It was about four years back, I was still in 9th grade and my sister was applying to colleges in US
including Mahindra. Curious, I could not stop peeking. There lay many prospectuses in front of me. I vividly remember the glossy prospectus with Mahindra written in Red in the cover. There was also a long newsletter, about 8 pages long with it. That cold night I came to know about the experiences of students in Mahindra, I came to know Mahimdra. Since then, I have been interested in Mahindra.
Pop. Pop. Pop.- one reason after another pops into my mind. There are so many reasons why
Mahindra is the perfect college match for me that I do not even know where to start.
However, let me explain: Considering I have studied in an international school with students from all around the globe, the first "pop" stands for something relatively obvious: Diversity. Living in an international community for the last two years, diversity has become more than important to me. It lines up with my personal understanding that I can learn most from people with beliefs, values differently from my own, and hence it realized the importance of diversed culture. Attending Mahindra would allow me to continue living in a truly diverse community, while I would at the same time contribute to this community by sharing my own culture.
Double "pop". Attracted by the College's strong research opportunities in Biology and Economics.
I have this weird interest, both in Biology and Economics. Both these requires research and close
collaboration with the faculties. Mahindra is known for its Faculty accessibility and excellent professors, which I am sure I can utilize to enrich my educational experience. I am excited to study with Prof. *** and Prof. ***. My interest in Human evolution to study Economic Behavior of people will be enriched working with them, and I am sure my bizarre ideas will be both be defended and critiqued in Mahindra.
I want to make an impact on the world- that deserves another "pop". Not only is this a characteristic that Mahindra and I share but I believe a Mahindra experience would provide me with more academic and personal skills, allowing me to have an even greater impact on the world we are living in. From Mahindra's mission statement to participating in one of the many community services the Wall Institute of Civical Management offers, Mahindra would provide me the space and skills to implement my ideals into the real world. As Benjamin Franklin says - "Tell me and I forget; teach me and I remember; involve me and I learn", I am sure I am ready to get involved and learn.
The next "pop" stands for Mahindra's opportunities outside the classroom. I am excited to enrich Mahindra's International Club with my long-term experiences, to join its outing club and to reactivate Art Club and Amnesty International Club with my active participation. If it is working for Environmental Action Alliance or starting another environmental awareness-raising club "Eco-Green", Mahindra would enable me to bring in my organizational talents while continuing to live my passion for sustainability.
Another "pop" stands for the enthusiasm of "Mahindrians". I want to go to a school where students
not only love their own school but also where no one is afraid to constantly challenge stereotypes and misconceptions that our society makes about people and cultures. Talking to current students from many different colleges, I have found no comparable curiosity to learn and I believe I would contribute to this thought-provoking atmosphere through my nature of questioning even the obvious.
Pop. Pop. Pop. There are many more reasons why I believe Mahindra and I match perfectly- its
Religious community, where I can refresh my spiritual life; SANGAM, where I can share my cultural
experience with many others, the Economics Club, where I can interact with other economics enthusiasts and learn, its excellent Independent study program in Biology, its small sized, close-knit community- all of these reasons deserve a "pop". Until now, reasons are still popping into my head, and I wonder if they will ever stop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
Since you have all these mind-popping ideas, maybe you should conclude the different reasons into one same, focused theme. You have pretty good language command, but the essay is a bit shattered.
You became interested because of a 8-page newsletter? I've been through 20 newsletters which were good but I still couldnt make a choice, but perhaps you are more decisive. I think maybe examples like alumini conversations and other experiences would be more appealing to the AO. But seriously, maybe you shouldn't even bring up the newsletter altogether, unless the newsletter is really an one-of-a-kind inspiration to all the ideas that 'pop up', not just a brochure of information that you might paraphrase into reasons.
Lastly, I think you can cut the popping cause it is slightly redundant, gives me a feeling of randomness and it is a bit irritating after the 3rd pop(but that's just me.) Also the Ben Franklin quote is not really of any meaningful use, you can cut that too, unless you intend it as your thematic sentence.
Happy editing!
how did u hear about Mahindra
Wow, that is what we ask when we want to improve our business marketing strategies. It doesn't seem right to have admission essays being used that way! But anyway, it is a legitimate question...
There lay many prospectuses in front of me as I sat in an empty library on a Thursday evening in late November. -- if you add this, it will help to make the paragraph feel complete, because later on you refer to that "cold night" -- and the imagery will be compllete if you have at least 2 mentions of the kind of night it was. By adding something about it being November, it will help the reader to experience the "cold night when you mention it later in the paragraph. Otherwise, it seems arbirart to mention that it was a cold night.
:-)
These things you list below are resources, not reasons:
There are many more
reasons resources that make me believe Mahindra and I match perfectly- its religious community, where I can refresh my spiritual life; SANGAM, where I can
