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'heart for humanity' - volunteer experience for common application


hikjennifer 1 / -  
Feb 10, 2012   #1
PROMPT: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

In 2006, I volunteered at Queen Elizabeth Home of Children in Grenada to teach the orphans for two hours per week. Since these children spoke English with a strong local accent, it was difficult at first to communicate with them. However, with sustained effort, I began to understand their words. The children were very open and excited to interact with me. In groups, I would engage the children with educational and entertaining activities such as art, reading, writing and playing educational games. The most touching experience at the orphanage was aiding a Down-syndrome boy with an art project. His parents left him when he was three because they could not afford to raise him. His six years in the orphanage was very simple. He slept, woke up, ate, played, ate, and then slept again. He did not expect much from life. After he woke up, he simply reacted to the environment around him. I taught him the same materials every week because he could remember only so much. Ultimately, it seems that the interaction alone was rewarding for him. I have learned to accept him for who he was. From the experience, I understand that the human life can take on many forms. There is no rigid way to live. In the process, I have become more flexible and lively with my decisions as well as in my interactions with others. My heart for humanity grew from my volunteering time at the orphanage.

I need help making this more cohesive and for it to flow better. Would anyone mind reading and critiquing it for me? Thank you.

Athena - / 83 3  
Feb 11, 2012   #2
Hi Jennifer,

I like your essay :) I would suggest adding a little more emotion to it. The ending is really nice.


In 2006, I volunteered at Queen Elizabeth Home of Children in Grenada to teach the orphans (Since your just introducing the topic, I don't think an article would be needed here) for two hours per week.

All the Best !!!
EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Feb 15, 2012   #3
In groups, I would engage the children in educational and entertaining activities such as art, reading, writing and playing educational games.

His six years in the orphanage were very simple.

From this experience, I understand that the human life can take on many forms.

My heart for humanity grew from my volunteering my time at the orphanage.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)
dreamer 3 / 18  
Feb 26, 2012   #4
It's very concise and I like your choice of words. Awesome work!

However I have a little suggestion!
I think that you can create a stronger opening sentence if you talk about your personal experience. The one that touched you - and that seems to be "aiding a Down-syndrome boy". So maybe you could start with that? And then for the ending, "My heart for humanity grew from my volunteering time at the orphanage...", you can mention the name of the orphanage, etc. over here?

Probably this is a different flow, but it might arouse curiosity. :) I'm just suggesting though!

Good luck! :)
Mind checking out mine?


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