I am attempting to answer the first question.
"Evaluate a significant experience you have faced and its impact on you."
This is my essay. I really just need some other eyes to read it.
The doctor unworriedly said "Now, it's going to get a little worse before it gets better. But you'll feel great in just a second." They hooked up the syringe to my IV and then I waited. A few seconds later I felt it, like my body was shutting down and none of my internal organs could work correctly. I felt doomed. Then my heart stopped beating.
Granted, my heartbeat came back in just a few seconds, but I mostly just remember the flat line on the EKG. On April 16, 2010, I was taken to the emergency room for a rapid, pounding heartbeat. One thing led to another, and the ER doctors administered a drug named adenosine, which essentially overloads your heart with potassium and causes it to cease beating. The human heart is quite remarkable and resets quickly, resuming its normal beat. However, adenosine's greatest side effects are numbness, apprehension, and an evanescent sense of doom. I was diagnosed with a fairly mild heart condition: paroxysmal supra ventricular tachycardia (PSVT). In simple terms, I have an extra circuit in my heart; this circuit is much smaller than the normal one and allows my heart to beat over 200 bpm. It was not a pleasant afternoon in the ER.
The first changes that came from this discovery were purely out of necessity. I became much more aware of my body and how the food I ate and activities I participated in affected me. I cannot have too much caffeine and I must pay special attention to my body when I am exercising because either of these can trigger my tachycardia. While I do miss drinking Dr. Pepper, I am much healthier of a person and more in tune with my body. I am even more thankful for the ways that I am completely healthy, something I never would have recognized without this experience.
My heart condition also taught me that I cannot control every aspect of my life. I can never be truly prepared for my heart to begin beating triple its normal pulse, but I can be prepared to handle the situation in an effective manner. This has expanded to encompass all areas of my life. I used to attempt to control every situation in my life perfectly, and I would become quite troubled if my plans did not work out. Now, I accept the fact that unexpected events can, and do, occur, but I do not allow myself to become agitated over the aspects I cannot control. Instead, I have learned to think on my feet and accomplish great tasks even in adverse conditions.
Though my PSVT is not the most desirable of conditions, I have learned to embrace it. Do not misunderstand; if my heart never enters an abnormal rhythm again, I will be more than ecstatic. But my heart condition reminds me that I am human, and yet more capable than I ever imagined.
this is good
the beginning is a liitle shaky but it ends very well.
However, adenosine's greatest side effects are numbness, apprehension, and an evanescent sense of doom. <---love this!
A few seconds later I felt it, like my body was shutting down and none of my internal organs could work correctly.
Granted, my heartbeat came back in just a few seconds, but I mostly just remember the flat line on the EKG. <---seems a little out of place for being at the beginning of a paragraph
ultimately, this is awesome with a great message and tells a lot about you
I like the message behind the essay, and I can pull a good description of your character from it. However, I can't imagine you. Try to show a bit more of yourself rather than list qualities if you can.
When I arrived in the emergency room on April 16, 2010, I was utterly and completely terrified. My heart was beating much too fast and I was acutely aware of each heavy, rapid beat. The doctors quickly gave me adenosine, a drug that essentially causes the heart to stop, reset its rhythm, and then continue beating. Adenosine's most common side effects are numbness, apprehension, and an evanescent sense of doom. It was not a pleasant afternoon in the ER.
I was diagnosed with a fairly mild heart condition: paroxysmal supra ventricular tachycardia (PSVT). In simple terms, I have an extra circuit in my heart; this circuit is much smaller than the normal one and allows my heart to beat over 200 bpm. This irregular beat can easily be fixed, and its occurrence is very uncommon. Though I hardly view my heart condition as disconcerting, I will never forget the few seconds of flat line on the EKG.
The first changes that came were purely out of necessity. I am required to take medicine daily, carefully monitor my body and heart rate while exercising, and attempt to limit my caffeine intake. I miss drinking Dr. Pepper more than almost anything, but I consider this to be a small sacrifice in my attempt to avoid another ER visit. Because of my PSVT, I have become much healthier and more in tune with my body. I exercise, eat healthier, and am thankful for the ways I am completely healthy, something I never would have recognized without this experience.
The discovery of this condition also taught me that life can throw unexpected challenges my way at any time. Life ignores the fact that there is an AP US History test next mod, and simply decides that leaving school for the ER is a much better pastime. In the past, unexpected challenges were typically met with a groan, and a frantic attempt to cope with the situation. Now, I accept the fact that unforeseen challenges can, and do arise in almost every aspect of life. However, I no longer allow myself to become agitated over the aspects I cannot control. Instead, I have learned to think on my feet and accomplish great tasks even in adverse conditions.
Though my PSVT is not the most desirable of conditions, I have learned to embrace it. Do not misunderstand; if my heart never enters an abnormal rhythm again, I will be more than ecstatic. But my heart condition reminds me that I am human, and yet more capable than I ever imagined.
Does this rewrite seem to have a stronger introduction and better content?
The first draft has a more capturing opening.
Good demonstration of how the experience at the ER and PSVT have affected you.
The essay flows well and is nicely paced.
I learned that you've learned to be a more easy-going person.
Hopeful and strong ending.
(:
