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'the heat was unbearable' - Richmond University Supplement Essay


Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
Positive criticism much appreciated:

Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
The sun was at its apex, blazing down hell upon the inhabitants of Rawalpindi. The air was dry and scented by the fumes of burnt petrol and human perspiration. Lost in the crowd and struggling to breathe, my friends and I wrestled from one shop to another just to hear the same reply "Sorry, it isn't available". In the financial heart of the city, we were searching for something no larger than a needle. My blood boiled with rage, the heat began to get to me and I wanted to escape the nightmare for not only was the atmosphere unfavorable, but also my body began to give way. Now, one would wonder "What was this object the possession of which was so important"?

My intellectual journey began with a summer-placement at the Electronics Department of the Federal Urdu University, I was struck by a fact that changed me forever and induced in me a love for the field. I became possessed, not by a demon, but by a passion! I realized that by simply pressing a button, I could release electrons into dead matter and bring it to life! Right then and there I made my decision: I would also build my own circuit from scratch.

This is how it all began. Hours upon hours evaporated as I labored to design a Battery Monitor on the software Proteus. Days went by and finally, the design was complete. After rigorous testing, the faculty at the University approved the design and I set out to find the necessary components.

Nausea, the heat was unbearable. We were hungry, thirsty and in agony. All of the components had been purchased except for one: the nasty transistor. The mission was intense yet we were not deterred! With every blow of disappointment, the law probability made me hopeful: "if it isn't here, the next shop is bound to have it". Finally, after spending four scorching hours in the sun, we struck gold: the transistor was found.

Looking back, I am proud that I did not back down for, though the circumstances were horrendous, my obsession with circuits pushed me on. The experience has built in me unparalleled resilience and perseverance to take on obstacles head on. It also allowed me to look into myself: I am gripped by circuits! Aware of this fact, I found it easy to decide my college major and initiate my research in the field.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
My blood boiled with rage, the heat began to get to me and I wanted to escape the nightmare, for not only was the atmosphere unfavorable, but also my body began to give way.

My intellectual journey began with a summer-placement at the Electronics Department of the Federal Urdu University, and I was struck by a fact that changed me forever and induced in me a love for the field.

The mission was intense, yet we were not deterred!

With every blow of disappointment, the law of probability made me hopeful: "if it isn't...

Looking back, I am proud that I did not back down, for though the circumstances were horrendous,...

You're an excellent writer!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)
mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #3
honestly, it is an excellent essay!
well done and good luck :)
OP Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #4
haha...a good essay still doesn't balance a pathetic SAT, any tips for January, 1880 on 1st attempt. being an international, that dont get you anywhere
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 25, 2011   #5
Your essay is really good, honestly.
One thing only:
Do you think your conclusion is strong enough?
You have spend the whole essay using powerful and vivid language successfully
so why do you stop with a rather laid back conclusion?

Regarding the SAT:
Try to get your hands on some practice material which is actually harder than the real SAT, because you don't want to waste your time

practicing questions you have no problems with. Anyway, you should try to do the easy questions fast while practicing so you have more time
for the hard ones.
Also learn, learn and learn vocabulare. I recommend Sparknotes 1000, available on the internet. This will really improve your score.
This is basically what I did, and I got 2330 on December. (Not bragging, just proving my point :)
OP Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 26, 2011   #6
@derimifri, i actually have sent this essay. but when i was about to press the upload button, my mother hinted that i was offtopic with my conclusion. i had written about something else. so the essay was overdue and in attempt to submit something i manufactured a conlcusion as fast as possible...

SAT...i have about +30 practice tests. thats no problem. what the problem is i don't understand my mistakes in CR and don't know the best place to prepare the vocab. so if you be so kinf as to help out here....
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 26, 2011   #7
ut.ee/orb.aw/class=file/action=preview/id=281186/GRE+AND+SAT+vocabulary.pdf

Do you have trouble understanding them after you have read the explanation in the solutions?
When it comes to CR, you should really focus on the official SAT practice tests, because some of the other stuff
is sometimes pure nonsense
OP Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 26, 2011   #8
i got my practice tests from a friend.... princeton , college board...but they don't have any explanations!!!!!
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 26, 2011   #9
So, if you got the guide from college board you should check out the collegeboard online. Then you make an account, then you get to the "my organizer" interface. When you're at this point you should tell me so on my thread, and I will tell you what to do. Besides, you should give me your email, so I can send you some useful links.
OP Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 26, 2011   #10
i have the books....old, torn, worn out books....
so should i put my email here or...
kakari 2 / 27  
Dec 26, 2011   #11
"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." I think this part should be placed after conclusion because some eminent writers often say that starting essay with maxim is risky. In short, maxim is usually not related to what the writer want to say at first, so placing it on the beginning of essay might hurt tone of the essay. On the contrary, placing the maxim on the end of the essay makes sure that it functions well in context as a summary.

This is just a general technique, so you can ignore it if you are OK. Your essay is AWESOME...

As for vocab of SAT, I(international student) recommend you to use "DirectHits". This book sticks to the point, and I can improve my score quite well in a month. Hope this helps you. Thank you!

Please read my essay, especially extracurricular one if you can (;


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