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'Heaven knows where I should stand' - important person common app main essay


ljy9152 4 / 12 1  
Nov 4, 2012   #1
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Six years ago, my parents held a sudden family meeting. We did not have family meetings often, so my brother and I were half-frightened and half-curious. Looking into our eyes, my father told us that we were going to move to the U.S. and asked my personal opinion. Being youthfully optimistic, I did not object since I assumed that everything will turn out great in the number one country in the world.

My expectation was quickly proven wrong by the time of my junior year. I was regretting my choice. My grades did not meet my standards, the relationship with my parents was getting worse as a result, and personal disappointments brought me down. I began to feel self-conscious and alone. Every passing period was filled with worries, and every lunch period was torture. When I asked myself the cause of this, everything came down to the one choice that I made--moving to the U.S. If I did not agree to move enthusiastically, this might never have happened. Everything felt like a mess because I felt challenged by my inability to successfully perform academically. If I did not meet Ms. Nom-Nom, I probably would have continued on blaming my decidsion.

Bold glasses, thin lips, and short hair, Ms Nommensen (Ms. Nom-Nom is a nickname for her at school) looks like many other English teachers that I have met, but she is unusual. She is capable of using not only slang such as "Let's jiggy with it," but also five-star SAT vocabulary fluently. She uses the phrase (which means let's dance)particularly when she gives out tests, hoping the students will get through the test smoothly. Her capability to know a wide range of words and phrases surprised me.

One day, Ms. Nom-Nom got sidetracked while she was discussing The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and told us about her dream when she was a child: to become a chef. After years of preparation, she applied to a cooking school in Paris, France. An acceptance letter was delivered to her excited hands a few months later, and she was one step closer to her dream.

After a conversation with her parents, however, she decided not to go. She chose instead to go into teaching. The amazing thing that I noticed while she was telling this story was that I could not find any moment of regrets in her tone or expression. She rather smiled at the moment of determination to become a teacher instead. The old dream was another motivation to move on to another dream.

I was shocked. She was not discouraged but she considered her new choice as another adventurous opportunity. What was I doing? Moving to the states was a life changing opportunity that wasn't offered to many people, and I only blamed my decision instead of trying to make it worthwhile in the end.

She showed a great deal of courage and optimism when it comes to choosing a path. Once the choice has been made, there is no going back. No matter the consequence, I just have to make the best out of the situation. The past is past, it is nothing more than the foundation of where I will stand in the future. The regrets might stumble me once in a while, but life is a one-way road. Heaven only knows where I should stand, and I guess until then, let's jiggy with it!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP!
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Nov 5, 2012   #2
Great Job!! I picked out a few sentences that you may want to change and I wrote underneath them, just ideas on how to make it sound better.

My expectation was quickly proven wrong by the time of my junior year.
During my junior year, the expectations I had were lost.

My grades did not meet my standards, the relationship with my parents was getting worse as a result, and personal disappointments brought me down.
Personally, my grades did not meet my high standards, and my parents were disappointed with me.

Every passing period was filled with worries, and every lunch period was torture.
This statement is a little extreme, can you tone it down?

Her capability to know a wide range of words and phrases surprised me.
I was surprised by her vast knowledge of words and phrases.

Moving to the states was a life changing opportunity that wasn't offered to many people, and I only blamed my decision instead of trying to make it worthwhile in the end.

I realized that moving to the US gave me the opportunity to change my life, and many people never get that chance.
HiImAsian 2 / 3  
Nov 8, 2012   #3
I loved this essay! I really got to know you as a person and what your experiences with your teacher has taught you. I suggest to add more thought into the beginning when you describe how you and your family decided to move to the U.S. It's a conversation that not many people in our generation have, so I really think you should emphasize the emotions you felt during that time.
alexisdanielle 2 / 3  
Nov 8, 2012   #4
i really liked how you described mrs. nom-nom try and expand and give more visual images like you did with mrs. nom-nom . other than that i think you did a great job !
OP ljy9152 4 / 12 1  
Nov 11, 2012   #5
thank you so much!


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