1. Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (50-100 words)
So far when people asked me about,what i want to study in university,i answered sharply:"Communications and Media" and got the approving words stating that it would "fit me".But now having discovered myself and other worlds a little bit more,i think:Why limit yourself with something that already fits you?I can study Communications and Media and also major in economics using the years of IB HL Maths for a good cause, study Art history discussing Islamic art of Mediterranean with people who had never seen the sea or focus on the Human Factor understanding the Media from its roots.I want a place with endless combinations, a place far away from my home,somewhere i can find new fields that "fits me", where people from all over the world gathers and exchange experiences. Searching this place so far i narrowed down my list to two locations:Heaven and Tufts, considering that i am too young to go to heaven, i would choose Tufts with its minor in CMS and majors in endless other fields.
this is far above the word limit but it still fits to the charachter limit that the common application section gives. I dont understand? What sections,words,phrases can i omit to reduce the word count?
What do you think about the content.
not a native speaker.
thanks.
What i do, or what i study must have a stong focus on my lifelong interest: communication and media studies, yet hold space for something bigger, better and unknown. With hours spent thinking,dancing,painting,debating and laughing in this place;i should fly over the clouds with the joy of self expression, be far away from home and in a collective environment where people from all over the world gather to share experiences. Searching this place so far i narrowed my list to two options Tufts and Heaven,considering that i am too young to go to heaven, i would choose Tufts with its minor in CMS and majors in endless other fields suitable to my interests
This is new,
Which one do you think would be better after corrections and improvements
The first is much better than the later.
Rather than completely omit sections of your first response, you should simply be more clear and succinct. What is it specifically about TUFTS that fits into what you want and most importantly who you are.
Grammatical Errors:
...i answered sharply:"Communications and Media" and got the approving words stating that it would "fit me".
But now having discovered myself and other worlds a little bit more,i think:Why limit yourself with something that already fits you?I can study..
In both sentences you are misusing the colon. Assuming that you are commenting on the sentence you can use a dash.
Also:
"I can study Communications and Media and also major in economics using the years of IB HL Maths for a good cause, study Art history discussing Islamic art of Mediterranean with people who had never seen the sea or focus on the Human Factor understanding the Media from its roots."
This sentence should be broken up. It is loses the reader in the point you are trying to make.
"Searching this place so far i narrowed down my list to two locations:Heaven and Tufts, considering that i am too young to go to heaven, i would choose Tufts with its minor in CMS and majors in endless other fields."
The heaven thing is cliche. Instead of trying to allude to Tufts as being your heaven, try expounding upon how Tufts is heaven-like for you. Again, what about Tufts is heaven?
"I want a place with endless combinations, a place far away from my home,somewhere i can find new fields that "fits me", where people from all over the world gathers and exchange experiences."
This is the strongest line! You should really run with this as your main theme! It allows me a glimpse into tangible reasons as to why you want to attend Tuft.
Good Luck
maybe i must decide purely on course selection
thanks
How about you combine the two? I like "yet hold space for something bigger, better and unknown," cause it makes YOU seem like an interesting person.
If you want to use the last line, I'd change it to something like "As I searched the world I found two places that I'd feel like I belonged-Tufts and Heaven. Considering that I am too young to go to heaven, I'd love to go to Tufts." and not mention the minor part cause I suppose they'd know that they have a minor in the subject you're looking for. The phrase 'this place' isn't clear, I took it to mean the world but if it means something else use that.
The first line of both versions seem like they will blend in memory with the last line of a previous essay read... try skipping it? Start with something like "Why limit yourself with something that already fits you?" [which is a little too overused] or something that describes your personal heaven (so the last sentence integrates itself with your essay)
