My height!, definitely is the conspicuous thing you observe at your first glance at me.
I don't understand why after "my height" it is an exclamation mark? I think it is not grammatically correct.
Could it be my pair of lenses or the constant smile on my face that makes the first glance insufficient that you just want another?
The second part of the sentence: "that makes the first glance insufficient that you just want another?" is a bit awkward, i had to read it a few times to catch the meaning. You should rephrase it to make it clearer.
Wait a second, you have not known me if you have no idea of my background.
- wait a second? isn't it too colloquial?
Originating from a country as Nigeria, with a diverse culture which lays emphasis on respect and family, the number of family members varies; we could be six today but thirteen the next day,
for extended family members are welcome at any time.
My mother turned to my siblings and said, "your brother has set the pace; follow him and overtake him."
Well, I have to say that this essay has not the best flow. I don't catch the connection between the height and then the family details. Maybe you could remove the first paragraph?
Hope I helped. Please help me with mine :)