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"My height, my background" - tell us about yourself


luvhunta 3 / 7  
Jan 12, 2010   #1
We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family background, and culture. Please tell us about yourself and what you believe is the best way to share your perspective. Also, what do you hope to learn from the experiences of others?

My height!, definitely is the conspicuous thing you observe at your first glance at me.5 Feet 2 inches made me the one of the smallest among my mates. Could it be my pair of lenses or the constant smile on my face that makes the first glance insufficient that you just want another?

Wait a second, you have not known me if you have no idea of my background. I am the first child of a family of six called the Nwogus which comprises of two parents, three boys and a girl. Originating from a country, Nigeria, with a diverse culture which lays emphasis on respect and family, the number in the family varies, we could be six today but thirteen the next day for extended family members are welcome at any time. Knowledge of our customs could not be lost when uncles and grand parents are eager to remind us with their stories. They are reservoirs of experiences to learn from. Stories about some Nwogus that achieved success through hard work, others who tarnished the image of the Nwogus through vices and their misfortune.

Growing up as the first child had its ups and downs. I was expected never to make a mistake for I had others ready to emulate every move. I recall the day I received my West African senior secondary school certificate examination (WASSCE) result which was one of the best in the country. My mother turned to my siblings and said "your brother has set the pace follow him and overtake him."

I had learnt from my family that the best way to share your perspective is to lay a perfect example for others to follow.learn ing from the mistakes of others is not the the best method of learning but emulating their achievements is the thing.

It has to be about 250 words and i dont seem to get any part of the essay irrelevant.please help me.
Mattchicago - / 1  
Jan 12, 2010   #2
Changes are in red

Could it be my pair of lenses or perhaps the constant smile on my face that makes ...

The first of four children from a family of six called the Nwogus which comprises of two parents...
... lays emphasis on respect and family. The number in the family (...) thirteen the next day as extended family members are ...
There is not fear of losing our Knowledge of our customs when uncles and grand parents are eager to remind us where we come from with their stories . They are reservoirs of experiences ...

I was expected never to make a mistake as I had others ready to ...
... school certificate examination (WASSCE)results which was one of the best in the country.
... "your brother has set the pace, follow him and overtake him."

I had learned from my family that (...) perspective is to set a perfect example for others to follow. Learning from the mistakes of others is not the the best method of education but emulating their ...
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 12, 2010   #3
My height!, definitely is the conspicuous thing you observe at your first glance at me.

I don't understand why after "my height" it is an exclamation mark? I think it is not grammatically correct.

Could it be my pair of lenses or the constant smile on my face that makes the first glance insufficient that you just want another?

The second part of the sentence: "that makes the first glance insufficient that you just want another?" is a bit awkward, i had to read it a few times to catch the meaning. You should rephrase it to make it clearer.

Wait a second, you have not known me if you have no idea of my background.

- wait a second? isn't it too colloquial?

Originating from a country as Nigeria, with a diverse culture which lays emphasis on respect and family, the number of family members varies; we could be six today but thirteen the next day,
for extended family members are welcome at any time.

My mother turned to my siblings and said, "your brother has set the pace; follow him and overtake him."

Well, I have to say that this essay has not the best flow. I don't catch the connection between the height and then the family details. Maybe you could remove the first paragraph?

Hope I helped. Please help me with mine :)
Infiniteswg 2 / 2  
Jan 13, 2010   #4
Although a minor issue, I was taught that numbers below thirteen (1, 2, 3..., 10, 11, 12) are written out in full form in essay writing. If you get a stickler, (like my old English teacher), they may be a bit unforgiving.

Best of luck!
patorooni 4 / 17  
Jan 13, 2010   #5
I like it. And I understand why there is an exclamation mark after "height". What I don't understand is why the part that discusses your height isn't further expanded upon or why it's even in the essay. Either elaborate a lot more on you experiences as an, ahem, short person, or don't bring it up.

The rest of the essay is really, really interesting, though.


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