ESSAY OPTION 5
In the spirit of adventurous inquiry, pose a question of your own. If your prompt is original and thoughtful, then you should have little trouble writing a great essay. Draw on your best qualities as a writer, thinker, visionary, social critic, sage, citizen of the world, or future citizen of the University of Chicago; take a little risk, and have fun
As I walked back home from school, a gigantic space shuttle landed just right in the middle of the road which led the way to my home. I could not believe my eyes that what I am looking at, oval shaped faces with big black eyes I saw approaching towards me and yes, they were aliens. I felt dizziness in my eyes and I was not on the planet when next time I regained my consciousness. I saw computers around me with various lights blinking on them and an irritating sound continuously struck my mind.
First Alien to second," Well, now that we have both money for construction and a human for labor, we better get started". Swiftly, they landed their space shuttle on an unknown planet, that sudden jolt when they landed was frightening. They asked me to wear a space suite which was too heavy to hold and when the time came to fit my head into that round shaped fish jar mask I could hardly fit my head into it. I along with them came out of the shuttle with only me holding an oxygen cylinder at my back. As we hit the surface, two of them started talking about calculation in which they were having problems, I interrupted them and insisted if I could help them. It was a simple calculation of their expenses on their tour from Mars to Venus last week. It merely delighted them that their problem was a matter of seconds for me. Instead of labor for which they had brought me from earth, they asked me if I could help them in calculating their costs on the construction of a new shuttle port for which they brought money from earth.
I prepared a sheet with all the calculations of expected costs for their new port. Aliens were impressed when they saw me preparing the cost sheets for them and fool humans think aliens are ahead of them. Mainly, then I wondered when they are going to take me back to my planet. I hope they were ready to return me a favor but they had assumed I am going to work with them until the project is not over. I saw a hope when they decided to return me a kindness that they will fulfill my one wish. First, I thought of just wishing of going home but I hesitantly asked them if they can get me an admission into the University of Chicago .First Alien said "what is that place? Is it a country?" "No it's one of the best education institutions of my planet" I replied. Second Alien said "Oh, this human is a bit intelligent too; getting him an admission into University of Chicago will also benefit him and that institution". I hesitantly asked "what if they decline my admission request?" First Alien said "We will capture the whole university and will only release it if they grant you an admission". I laughed if they were joking but they were serious. We went back inside the space shuttle to get ready so that they all could drop me at the city of Chicago.
I heard my mom calling my name with annoyance "Jahanzaib, You're sleeping for almost ten hours, do you have any idea?" and there, the end of the story.
quirky, and extremely creative. i went with finding x , but i think this is a solid approach.
"I could not believe my eyes that what I am looking at, oval shaped faces with big black eyes I saw approaching towards me and yes, they were aliens." Sentence is very awkward, try rewording it.
You really need to look at your comma usage. Overall it's a good essay with a unique approach, but I think you need to reword a lot of your sentences and work on your grammar.
"First Alien to second," Well, now that we have both money for construction and a human for labor, we better get started"." Very confusing..
Can you please look at one of my essays?
I think its creative but don't you have to state the prompt that you made up?
Hero, man. Seriously, It just came into my mind right now. Damn and I submitted this supplement 10 minutes ago. I am rejected totally :S
The theme about helping them calculate costs is what makes this very, very good. I'll give some ideas...
As I walked back home from school, a gigantic space shuttle landed just right in the middle of the road which led the way to my home. I could not believe my eyes that what I am looking at, when I saw oval shaped...
As we hit the surface, two of them started talking about calculations in which they were having problems, so I interrupted them and insisted if that I could help them.
It merely merely is not the right word here-----delighted them that their problem was solved in a matter of ...
Mainly, then I wondered when they are were going to take me back to my planet. I hoped they were ...
Use a comma when you write dialogue:
I heard my mom calling my name with annoyance, "Jahanzaib, You were sleeping for almost ten hours, do you have any idea?" and there, the end of the story.
Awesome story... I think they will like it! I see that you missed the part about writing a question, but... maybe they will accept you anyway?
I hope so, Above all the universities I have applied I'm waiting for UChicago's decision the most. Thanks Kevin :)
