I cannot decide between these two essays. Tell me what you think and your opinion on which one will be received better by an admissions officer. I would also appreciate any corrections.
thanks!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
BAM! The gun goes off and the race has begun. The exhilaration of running a race is a feeling that I will never forget. While everyone else in grade school loathed the Presidential Fitness Test "mile run," I would sit in my class counting the minutes until gym. This was my chance to show all those basketball, soccer, baseball, and football kids that I was good at something too. Year by year I would run this standardized "mile run" and one thing remained constant: I always won.
At the time, I knew little about track and even less about cross country so I attempted to steer my athletic interests to the sport for "all American boys": football. I was eager to play but soon realized that coaches didn't see me as the star player that I imagined in my mind. My bout with football frustrated me; I never thought a sport could involve so much bench warming. If anything, this period of my life taught me humility.
It wasn't until middle school that Mr. Todnem convinced me to try cross country. He was the coach and thought I would be a decent competitor. After my failure in football, I was intimidated by the thought of approaching a new sport. With hesitation, I signed up and decided that I would give it my best shot. Before I knew what I had gotten into, I started to win races. As middle school progressed so did my love for running.
As I entered high school, I knew what sports were for me: cross country and track. I entered as a top freshman and for the first time felt valued by fellow teammates. Running gave me mental strength and taught me to push my body harder than I had ever thought possible. It matched my athletic ability in a way no other sport could.
Junior year was a nightmare in which I realized I could no longer run. During seemingly easy workouts, I fell behind with excruciating shin pain. After weeks of trying to cope with the pain, I visited a doctor. The blood rushed out of my face when I heard the single word "surgery." For the first time, I was speechless.
Since this experience I have grown, but I still feel pain every time I hear the results of a cross country meet. For a long time I refused to reflect on my emotions, but their impact has taught me many valuable lessons. Instead of allowing this loss to consume my life, I focused on finding other talents. My experience has reached full circle as I once again face the fears of trying something new.
With my athletic talent on hold, I embraced my artistic talents. Throughout my life I had learned Ukrainian folk dancing, but I was never very good. Once I focused all of my energy towards dance, I started to notice the changes. Slowly I moved towards the front row and regained the confidence that running once gave me.
When one door closed, others were opened. Through losing one talent, I gained new ones and was able to embrace a side of myself that I was unfamiliar with. Though once negative, I am now able to reflect and see this experience as having a positive impact on my life.
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A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I am Ukrainian.
My family is 100% Ukrainian. My first language was Ukrainian. I speak, write, sing, dance, and dream in Ukrainian.
I was born in America: I am white.
I get to the demographics portion of a test and hesitantly fill in the bubble: "Caucasian". A vague term defined as "a human racial classification distinguished especially by very light to brown skin pigmentation and straight to wavy or curly hair, and including peoples indigenous to Europe, northern Africa, western Asia, and India." By this definition Asians, Indians, and African Americans should all fill in the same bubble: Caucasian.
Is this not modern racism? I have spent my entire life embracing my Ukrainian heritage, yet I am forced to associate myself with the race-less "Caucasian" bubble. Automatically I am grouped with millions of "Caucasian" people: the majority. One #2 pencil is the only tool I need to erase my cultural identity. Am I really that generic? Hardly.
I don't embrace my culture because I am forced to or because it's convenient; I embrace it because it's what makes me different from the majority. My parents influenced my childhood through Ukrainian dance, church, school, and summer camps. I admit most of my cultural identity comes from my parents, but I have chosen to continue embracing my heritage on my own.
About a year ago, I decided to start a Ukrainian band named "Klopit". The band is becoming quite successful within the Ukrainian community and the experience has showed me the importance of culture in my life. I had always enjoyed music and had vocal talent, but I never realized that applying my American talents to my Ukrainian culture could have such an enormous outcome. Through my band I am able to see the benefits of diversity. It makes us unique and sets us apart from regular American bands. Reflecting on the past year, I have learned the importance of creating my own character. My cultural diversity gives me and my music individuality. I bring with me a fusion of Ukrainian-American culture and a deep respect for diversity.
I am more than a dark circle next to the word Caucasian.
I am anything but the majority.
I define myself.
This is smart, I like your approach!
About a year ago, I decided to start a Ukrainian band named "Klopit". The band is becoming quite successful within the Ukrainian community and the experience has shown me the importance of culture in my life.
Excellent!! I look forward to enjoying the music you will create.
