"to help others was an expectation" - OB/GYN SPELMAN COLLEGE

Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways you have shown your commitment in these areas:

As a young girl I have always felt that to help others was an expectation. Whether it was with someone's home work, or even opening a door, I have always been dedicated to doing so. I feel helping others who can't help themselves is a very important virtue to have. Striving to do so, I volunteer at my grandmothers organization, Hand of Creation Inc., where the goals are to; feed the hungry, help the needy, and to supply necessities unto those who are unable to do so themselves, giving special help to the young and elderly who are extremely vulnerable. Helping the community by allowing them to engage into a better supplied life is a dedication that I feel every person capable should carry out. In this organization we help maintain a stable, helpful, and caring community. For children and adolescents, enrolled in school, we have a back to school program where the child and/or student can come pick out binders, paper, notebooks, pencils and pens, folders, and back packs of their choice. Whatever they are lacking, we try our best to let whomever it is to receive it. During the holidays, for instance, Thanksgiving and Christmas, we supply needy families with food, and drinks, such as; a turkey, ham, dressing, desert, milk, and many other items. My commitment to service is important. Not only does it help others in their desperate time of need, it comforts them and lets them know they are never alone, this allowing me to put myself in others predicaments. By doing so, it helps me understand the downfalls in life, causing me to want to help any and everyone. Being a better person, and wanting to strive to be more in life is a desire I continue to have. Volunteering in this organization has really caused me to see how precious life is. This also, makes me want to farther, not only myself but many people, to a better life in this world. My commitment to myself and to these people is a value that I will always have.

At the age of 10 I decided that I was going to college and I knew I was not going to stop until I received my degree. I have been planning every since what type of college I wanted to go to. I had the idea of a Historically Black College where there are many intellectual students who have the ambition of bettering themselves, in common with me. The desire to continue my education and seek knowledge is essential and always will be. The idea of realizing no matter what you know, there is always more to learn and observe. While attending high school I have taken an advanced trigonometry class along with an AP environmental science class, which I have enjoyed. Taking these courses had challenged me to work harder, study more, and succeed. I know that it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to have a successful career. I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish this. Every since I was little I have had an idea of what I wanted to be in life. I would always watch CSI and the BABY channel so I knew whatever I did it would have something to do with either one. I have chosen to become an OB/GYN and would love to farther my education at Spelman with a major in Biology. I know that Spelman College is best for me to get the education I intend on receiving. I believe, granted that I get accepted, Spelman will change my life drastically, helping better my future and career. I will be delighted to have the opportunity of being able to attend to Spelman as a student, and in a few years, as a graduate.

Hello Ashley,

I made some corrections below- don't believe they are 100% correct. I try my best, but sometimes I make mistakes. =)


I would write something like this: Whether it was helping someone with his or her homework, or opening the door for them, I have always been dedicated to doing so.


I'm always at the disposal of people who seek for help, and I think this is a valuable virtue.

Great ideas, Lorenzo.

Let me also suggest this for the beginning:
As a young girl I have always felt that to help others was an expectation. ----maybe obligation is a better word here?

Whether it was with someone's home work, or even opening a door, I have always been dedicated to doing so. I think you can find a better way to express this idea. Do not be general. Be distinct and specialized.

Okay, you have a nice writing style, but you can still benefit from cool suggestions like the ones Lorenzo gave here. Also, I want to suggest that you use a transition between the paragraphs. In order to transition smoothly from talking about service to talking about seeking knowledge, you need ONE BIG THEME that unites the two parts of the paper. What is that theme? Use it at the beginning, the end, and in the middle to transition between the two sections.

:-)