It is easy to fall into the "trap" of Franklin and Marshall College. When I first found F&M on a blog, I was mesmerized. Underneath the azure sky, a squirrel is bathing in the sun on the beautiful path dressed with colorful fallen leaves. Undoubtedly, it was a dreamland, a fairy tale, an epitome of a teenage girl's fantasy.
Last month, an email from the office of admission introducing F&M's new President, Dan Porterfield and his freezer with ice creams for students tempted me again. I have been studying in a Chinese university for almost one year and a half, yet I have only seen the President once on the commencement day. Now I am still unaware of the location of his office. How could F&M be so different?
With great curiosity, I read the inauguration address written by Doctor Porterfield. Soon, I found out the secret behind ice creams. It was about the fire kindled 224 years ago. The fire is now still burning and will never die.
His words could not be more correct. Beneath the chilly cream, I could feel Doctor Porterfield's glowing passion for the cause of education like crackling flames, vital and strong.
I discovered more flares in the following days. I found F&M's Admission staff friendly, unpretentious, always ready to answer my questions no matter how trivial they seem. I met an F&M sophomore online who selected as many exacting courses as she could to challenge herself. I saw on the Diplomat F&M's timely Japan Relief Project across the campus. You see, the fire has even spread to the East, quite near my home!
Franklin and Marshall College is no longer just my dreamland. It is a promised land. There, with the enthusiastic help of great faculty members, I can work with other aspiring young people to preserve the ancient and holy fire, moreover, to light the whole world.
And, oh, sorry I forgot the squirrel. This lovely creature is always a good friend of mine and F&M's.
"an epitome of a teenage girl's fantasy." the epitome sounds better to me. I think either works, its just preference.
with ice creamssecret behind ice creams. ice cream doesn't have to be plural
"as many exacting courses as she could to challenge herself" Exacting courses doesnt make sense to me.
"for almost one year and a half" a year and a half, sounds better to me
"It is easy to fall into the "trap" of Franklin and Marshall College. When I first found F&M on a blog, I was mesmerized. Underneath the azure sky, a squirrel is bathing in the sun on the beautiful path dressed with colorful fallen leaves. Undoubtedly, it was a dreamland, a fairy tale, an epitome of a teenage girl's fantasy."
you could cmbine the2nd and 3rd sentence by saying "When I first found F&M on a blog I was mesmerized BY the azure..." and so on..
just a suggestion other than that really good essay
