Help with Harvard essays "a person who has affected me" and promptless essay

Hello everyone,

I am applying to Harvard and would truely appreciate some help making my essays better.

This is the essay I have written in response to the "indicate a person that has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence" prompt.

I have never hated a man as much as I hate Mr. John Warren. The man who lords over my fifth period band class is one of the most despicable and evil people I have ever met. He is known as the worst teacher in the school due to his sarcastic tendencies, his incredible self-centeredness, and his love of degrading students. The so-called educator of our band class is the only human being whom I have ever been angry enough to scream at, and I often get into arguments in which he attempts to get me to back down by insulting and threatening me. Yet John Warren has done me a service by giving me self-confidence, a quality that I was sorely lacking before I wandered into his band class for the first time.

Concert Bands I and III are subject to the iron fist of Mr. Warren. Concert Band III, the band that is reserved for freshmen, was the class where I first had the "pleasure" of meeting the man who would be my band instructor for the next four years. John's reputation preceded him: I was already fearful of him before I even walked into his room. For someone with as little courage as my younger self, going into the lion's den was an absolutely horrifying experience.

I was told near constantly as a child that I needed to have more confidence in myself. My timid composure kept me from standing up for myself, and the awful anxiety that would rush into my body each time I tried to talk to a stranger, even just to ask a hostess for a table for three, was almost enough to cause a panic attack. This being the case when I was a freshman, I allowed Mr. Warren to dehumanize me and force me to break other commitments in order to go to his insane before and after school practices. Soon I found that I would have to be skipping performances in other activities to attend simple practices if I was to please him. Before long I decided that this was simply unacceptable. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The policy that had shaped my entire life up to that point, deferring to others even if it means I am going the exact opposite direction of the way I wish to go, was about to be broken. When a trip to a Winnipeg band festival, which Mr. Warren had informed us that we would be attending just days before the date of departure, meant skipping a very important swim meet, I refused to go, a course of action which caused Mr. Warren to become irate, telling me that I was a failure and that he should kick me out of his band. I began to waiver in my resolve. I could feel the beads of sweat dripping slowly down my forehead. I hoped he couldn't see them. This was the first time I had ever stood up for myself in my whole life, and as a result I wasn't very good at it. However, thinking about all the terrible things this man had done to me, and would continue to do to me if I allowed him to, brought out new strength in me. I stuck with my decision and informed John Warren that his band was not the top priority in my life, and that I would be going to the swim meet whether he liked it or not. To my surprise, Mr. Warren soon backed down.

That day had a profound effect on my mental image of myself. I began to realize that I was my own person, a person with wants and needs that shouldn't be completely subject to those of others. I gained the self-confidence to believe that I didn't have to let bullies like John Warren keep me from pursuing the path I wished to take.

The next three years were riddled with more disagreements with my band teacher. The man and I must have been made to be complete opposites of one another. I will never like Mr. Warren, but his cruelty caused me to gain the self-assurance that has allowed me to pursue the path in life that is right for me, and not for someone else.

This is an essay I am considering for the Harvard supplement essay, which has no specific prompt. I am worried that it might make me seem very conceited.

Preparing for a theatrical production is never an easy task. It always seems that there is never enough time to erect the elaborate set and to learn all the lines and blocking, despite marathon practice sessions that often last from the early morning until the wee hours of the night on weekends and all afternoon and night on school days. Once all is said and done, the actors and actresses always seem frazzled and burnt out from the production despite the feeling of accomplishment.

Imagine an average high school play. The cast and crew of this play have been hard at work for nearly two long months. Suddenly disaster strikes: a lead member of the cast is charged with a minor in consumption one week before the first performance and thus is no longer allowed to participate in any high school activities, including this theatre production. Now imagine being asked by the director to learn the part of the suspended actor just four days before the first performance. Many would deem this an absolutely unreasonable request, yet this was an obstacle I had to overcome during my sophomore year of high school.

Throughout my eighth-grade and freshman years I had been involved in my high school's fall play productions. Despite having a natural aptitude for acting, I didn't enjoy my experiences; I felt as though every performance strained me and perhaps drained a part of who I was. As such, I decided not to audition for a role my sophomore year. However, as fate would have it, I had one last production in the works.

The director, a good friend of my family, informed me of her situation on a Saturday evening and asked that I read a script and get back to her later that night concerning whether or not I would assist her. The play was called Bonechiller, and I had never even heard of it, let alone read it, in my life. Her entreaty seemed impossible to comply with (the first performance would be the following Thursday), and yet I couldn't dash the hopes and dreams of the rest of the cast. And so, I agreed.

The stress brought on by this task was incredible. I had never been so anxious in my entire life. I reached inside myself in search of strength, and I found a resolve deep within me that I had never known existed. In addition to my schooling, I probably put in close to forty hours of practice in those four days. The best of my memorization skills were brought to the fore to learn my extensive list of lines. When that Thursday came around, I was shocked to find that I was actually extremely prepared.

The play was a complete success, and many attendees of the play approached me afterward to tell me that I was their favorite character. My fellow cast members were all extremely grateful for the work I had done. After four performances, I put away my costume for good. While taxing, my participation in the fall play showed me characteristics about myself that I had never known before: in part that I had strength and a work ethic that would allow me to overcome any dilemma that might arise in my future.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry if this is not the correct format for asking for such help, and I am also sorry that I am not a very good writer

Regards,
Sam

not sure i'd make it sound that negative, it kinda overstate your weakness.


what if you just said backed down? it carries more momentum this way

your first essay absolutely answers the prompt, but I'm not so sure how harvard would see your almost to the level of hatred toward a teacher.

I mean although that teacher is criticized a lot and such, he would simply be "strict" and is actually a very responsible teacher. What if you have a similar teacher at harvard?

would you hate him as well?
my point is that the admin might interpret your loathing of the teacher as ungrateful and self aggrandizing and because of this label your experience as a flaw of character instead of a strength.

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the fact that you already said never implies this, and it's too far from its verb


was that the only reason? if so, then you are a really magnanimous person lol


strength and found


I put almost forty hours


of course, you were the main character... how about simply congratulating you on a great performance?


so why did you talk about the burnout thing in the intro?
and you probably wanna tone down the "extremely grateful" part
you put away your costume for good... forever? if that's not what you meant, then you don't really need this sentence.

actually, harvard does have a prompt for the supplement:
- Unusual circumstances in your life
- Travel or living experiences in other countries
- Books that have affected you the most
- An academic experience (course, project, paper, or research topic) that has meant the most to you
- A list of the books you have read during the past twelve months
it said that this is a part where you could put extra info, but it also listed these possible topics... so I wouldn't try to be dramatically different from these topics, but what do i know

You could either make this your achievement essay in common app and write another one that answers one of the prompts, or you could ignore me lol

overall, you have a good writing style and a very focused mind. however, try to avoid sounding too negative or too conceited. avoid extreme descriptions of yourself (like when you said: "extremely grateful" or "favorite character")

btw, I'm applying to harvard 2:D i turned in mine 1 week ago...not so sure about acceptance. Is this your top choice? What do you think your chances are?

your essay if very well explained. you used precise language to support your response. i think the college admissions officers will appreciate your different spin on this essay. most people don't write about mean teachers. however, you should be careful in your critical analysis of Mr. John Warren. you don't want to sound to harsh. college admissions officers do not want to see how you might not get along with teachers. overall, good essay.

Thank you for the help! I appreciate everything. I am not really sure if harvard or stanford is my top choice, but I think that my chances are pretty good. I have good test scores and grades, although I am very worried about the essays. I think I am going to change the second essay to one that sounds less conceited and is more along the guidelines, and I will probably tone down the emotion in the first essay.

haha same here, I'll prob get rejected by both MIT and Harvard, but... who knows?


Don't wanna give you useless worries, but think of it this way: 90% of people WILL have OUTSTANDING scores and grades. By outstanding, I mean at least 2200 in SAT (most likely >2300) and only A's and all AP classes... therefore, the only thing that can distinguish you from another top student is through the essays, and harvard only asks for 2.

Personally, I've got the minimum requirement, being grades and SAT's and AP's and all this crap, but honestly, harvard, MIT, stanford, Princeton, yale... all these top schools only look a bit at these, since they could pretty much fill their classes with National Merit, but that would have no point.

unless you have native american blood, don't put ur chances too high, or u will get disappointed.

now, it's a different question if you've got some international awards...or some sort of olympiads. those help hen?

I'm not worried about test scores. Lets put it that way. :) I am like 1/32 Native American but I don't think they will care about 1/32 lol. I have not really done much internationally sadly, but I am holding out hope that things like athletics and performing arts will help. Hopefully well-roundedness is appreciated! And don't be so pessimistic! You are going to do fine! I bet one of those schools is going to love you

naa, I've only applied to a couple of really hard to get in schools. The others are hard, but range about 15-25% acceptance rate, so not nearly as bad as 9% lol

1/32? lucky. I'm like pure asian male, and that's like the worse thing to be in college admissions.

Same here :P
Purely Asian male.
Plus no greencard, so international.

What kinds of awards have you guys gotten?
Personally, I haven't had much chance to participate in big competitions (I came to America four years ago, and realized that Science Olympiad existed in my junior year)..

I'm applying to Harvard too :)) I will post my essay shortly, so please look at them :)

how unlucky...


haha, as long as it's not IMO or international junior nobel prize, harvard'll just skim at it with squeaky eyes and disapproval hahaha

i mean with harvard, the only thing you can do is cross your fingers and pray.

Essay 1 sounds like a pseudo-slugfest with someone who has been jamming your head in the toilet forever, when finally one day you refute these beatings as a matter of course. It's B grade comedy. This isn't the greatest example you could provide of a person who affected you in a curious way; it seems risky because you sound livid and the "self-confidence" you cite could be misinterpreted as "tenacity" >>>> "ferocity", though it's (the latter) very unlikely .

i pictured a little white boy with big glasses like in the Peter Pan movie, you know the youngest? except 10 times as nerdy and... the type who's really easily intimidated. ah, me and my fantasies.