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Need help with most important essay for college in my life.


avneeeet 3 / 4  
Dec 29, 2008   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As I stepped off the plane that brought me to the other end of the globe, I knew I was in a new world where beauty looms around every corner and people are offered an array of opportunities. Colors became just as alive as the people, like a giant oil painting that seemed to move and speak on its own. I could do nothing except admire the grandeur of the shapes that molded together the most beautiful art pieces. Trees stood up straight like a platoon of green haired soldiers with large brown stocky builds, as if they were parading me through the street.

For the most part of my life I lived in a world where I saw many facets of human existence, some acquired traits while others environmental attributes, yet there remains an iota of ingrained values in my life that I cannot live without. Moving away from the native land where my life transitioned from a toddler to a teenager, was not an easy task for me. It drastically changed the person I am, but I am grateful for the move as it introduced me with a new perspective in life.

Through the many twists and turns my family has endured, I have been put in a position to accept things as they come. With death, remarriage, moving out of my childhood home, addition of four step sisters, and immigration to United States, I focused on my career, while the rain of surprising events continued at its zenith. The circumstances provided me with a motive to achieve perfection in academics, sports, and the eyes of everyone who cared for me. Even though it was apparent from my eyes, I could not share my immanent world with anyone.

All the actions seemed to shape my dreams and build my strength. The death went hand in hand with responsibility, remarriage with acceptance, the move with adaptation, new family with openness, immigration with experience. I decided that it was time to put all my burdens aside and focus on the school which would catapult my career to new heights. After all I have to get back to my homeland, India, to help develop the infrastructure so that the underprivileged people are provided with an opportunity to show their talents.

The World is a perception that no individual can ever take away from you. It describes who you are, and inadvertently, who you are meant to be. However, as everything in human being's life, world evolves as it had done with me. When I close my eyes in disbelief, everything just seems like a dream, as if my sly mind has painted portraits in front of me. However, when I open my strained eyes everything is still there. The colors, the shapes, the darkness, they are all performing a dance so beautiful that it makes me burst into tears. The sun is beginning to set, drawing a long orange line along the horizon, while coating the world below with a dull luminescent glow. Shadow has started to walk towards the sun, growing longer and longer until it disappears into the approaching darkness.

Finally at the end of my journey, I'm standing at a cliff's edge, peering out into the vast waters of the pacific. A bright yellow sun over my head, casting light over the entire landscape, is giving everything under its blanket a warm glow. My worlds are calling upon me, to combine them together and live on the new middle ground.

Please give lots of reviews and comments, because it helps me a lot, as English is not my first language and I usually make a lot of mistakes.
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Dec 29, 2008   #2
Please give lots of reviews and comments, because it helps me a lot, as English is not my first language and I usually make a lot of mistakes.

I'm sure that will be the case PROVIDED you return the favor to other students...

EF
skim 2 / 12  
Dec 29, 2008   #3
"Moving away from the native land where my life transitioned from a toddler to a teenager, was not an easy task for me. It drastically changed the person I am, but I am grateful for the move as it introduced me with a new perspective in life."

I really like this part! :) Since I moved from my country after my middleschool years, I TOTALLY agree with your opinion! :)

And I REALLY REALLY like your last two paragraphs. They are beautiful!!!
Beautifully described... very sensational :) Love it!

Wish you the best luck !
amy 5 / 39  
Dec 29, 2008   #4
Wow. You are an awesome writer. This has got to be one of the most beautiful essays I have read. Fantastic job.
OP avneeeet 3 / 4  
Dec 29, 2008   #5
@Amy

Do you think that the transition from one para to the other is fine.
I'm really nervous.
amy 5 / 39  
Dec 29, 2008   #6
Yes, the transitions seem fine. Your essay is very concise, and the concluding paragraphs wrap the essay up beautifully. Don't be nervous lol.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 30, 2008   #7
As I stepped off the plane that brought me to the other side of the globe, I knew I was in a new world where beauty looms around every corner and people are offered an array of opportunities.

Colors became just as alive as the people, like a giant oil painting that seemed to move and speak on its own. I could do nothing except admire the grandeur of the shapes that molded together to create the most beautiful art pieces.

For most of my life I lived in a world where I saw many facets of human existence, some acquired traits while others were environmental attributes, yet there remains an iota of ingrained values in my life that I cannot live without.

Moving away from my native land where my life transitioned from a toddler to a teenager, was not an easy task for me.

It drastically changed the person I am, but I am grateful for the move as it introduced me to new perspectives on life .

With death, remarriage, moving out of my childhood home, the addition of four step sisters, and immigration to United States, I focused on my career, while the rain of surprising events continued at its zenith.

The circumstances provided me with a motive to achieve perfection in academics, sports, and in the eyes of everyone who cared for me.

Your perception of the world is something that no one can ever take away from you.

A shadow has started to walk towards the sun, growing longer and longer until it disappears into the approaching darkness.

You are an awesome writer!

:)
OP avneeeet 3 / 4  
Jan 2, 2009   #8
Is there any way that I can delete my essays from the thread? Because the plagiarism detection tools detect the essays and they don't recognize the author. So I don't want to take any risks.
pandora 6 / 19  
Jan 2, 2009   #9
you have to pay them
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 4, 2009   #10
You can click on the terms of services to see all your options. I understand your concern! The administrators of this site do take steps to prevent problems like that with plagiarism checkers, though.

:)
Kevin


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