I think your opening line is arguably your strongest part of your essay. Quite possibly, one of the best opening lines I have read on this site. It's unorthodoxy can cause readers to envision your scenario, and want to read a bit more, which in effect, is a great way to start your essay. It is not vulgar at all by the way, as there is no vulgarity in the word' testicles', especially in the medical context.
It appears that the general consensus is that your essay is a bit long. Noto has already made some suggestions.
Also, your conclusion is fine as it is. You do not need to add more to it in my opinion.
When my father picked me up at the Metro station, I moaned and groaned about my cut fingers and sore shouldersas long as he would listen, and probably more.to him
[quote=mmmargarita]The next day at the hospital was a rather slow one; there weren't many cases to be reviewed, and much less any autopsies to be performed.
[/quote]
^I think there is something wrong in that sentence.
Contemplating the ocean of records that those filing cabinets alone held was slightly overwhelming; I felt as if I were standing at the edge of a canyon that deserved more respect than I gave it.
^I think that the above, in it's entirety can go. Removing it will not disrupt the flow from the previous sentence to the next one.
In my rush to selfishly protest and whine, I had been unfair.
^That can also go. By removing this, your new paragraph gets straight to the point.
I realized that, whether dissecting tissue in the formalin smelling autopsy room or rearranging slides for the millionth time in the stifling storage room, what I had done would be a valuablemy contributions , albeit small, will be a valuable part of the hospitals history. The significance of a task isn't dictatedis not decided by how mundane or exciting it is, much less in a place where the mundane involves handling the building blocks of life
The information contained within those asparagus-colored metal walls held more potential and wealth than I could fathom.
*You had already used the specific 'asparagus' colour description just a few sentences earlier. I do not think that you need to endorse the color through repetition. I as a reader understand that it is asparagus colored and I do not need a reminder...
Wedged between those glass slides that I proclaimed a nuisance so often after nicking my fingers were the DNA of past patients; the "nuisances" were precious clues left behind, clues that would fill in the gaps of current cases, clues that would serve as keystones for current research projects, clues that would remain longer than any of us. No, the significance of a task can't be fully determined until many years later, when my much-bemoaned organization could facilitate locating slides that could contribute to a life-saving diagnosis.
^I liked everything about the above section, although I did not quite get the last sentence...
Your conclusion is fine. Leave it at that. No need to add another point to it.