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(how I helped my grandma become a US citizen) a good idea for my UC prompt #2?

lunadonnna 2 / 4  
Nov 28, 2011   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I want to write about, how I helped my grandma become a US citizen. It took a while. She did not have the $680 to apply for citizenship. I would spend hours of my time baking cakes/brownies to sell at school to help her with the fees. I got a job which was originally to help me save up for college, but I ended up giving her a good amount of my money. Once she saved up enough money, she was scheduled for the naturalization test. I helped her study for it, and I was sure She would pass with my help, but she failed it her first time. she only had one more chance to take it, and I was determined to help her become a citizen, because she was too important to me for me to lose. She has done so much for me after all. I began to study with her for hours every night. I would speak english to her more regularly than I would speak spanish, so she would get used to the sound of the american accent. I would set up 'practice' interviews so she would be prepared for her upcoming test. I would read books to her and made her write down english sentences every night. She got a perfect score on her citizenship test and i was so proud of her, and I felt proud of myself for putting so much effort into making sure she would be a US citizen. It made me realize that i am dedicated when I want something to happen, I am hardworking , yet also selfless. Is it a good thing to talk about? My contribution in my grandma achieving her citizenship? this isnt the actual essay of course, just a plan.
polk540 5 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #2
Sorry if it is offensive, but you are pretty late to write an essay. So you may or must be very active for nights.
how I helped my grandma become a US citizen -->benefits to her and you??? and what kind of abilities did you employ?
I would spend hours of my time baking cakes/brownies to sell at school to help her with the fees -> it might be little childish OR very touching, so you must make this part polished and sincere.

--> you may simplify this story into several sentecnes and tell more about YOU
college app essays are about YOU so that eventually you should tell about how you have figured out your abilities and how would they contribute to UC and society and your future?
kavinsky 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2011   #3
The topic of everything that you have done for your Grandma is great to write about. You give very good points on what you did, what you have to do is connect all of that in one essay, writing, yes about your Grandma but also remember to include how all this impacted YOU as a person, how you developed----they want you to focus on yourself.
lex321 - / 1  
Nov 29, 2011   #4
Yes this is a very good idea but you need to talk more about yourself. The point of a personal statement is to tell the college about yourself what they already don't know from your grades. This is a perfect topic but you have to incorporate how you helped your grandma into how that has made you who you are and how it has changed you or helped you or taught you. For example you can say how helping raise money for her to take the test was a test of your determination and will and you passed that test because you raised a lot of money for her. Things like that if you can do that in a creative way, your essay will stand out.

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