Any advice would be appreciated.
Prompt 1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My family has always had the ambition to reach bigger and greater things. They have taken it upon themselves to try and better the lives of the people around them. The desire to selflessly help others was inspired by the ambition of my family.
My family has always sought to improve the lives of others. Having given birth to my mother in Penjamo, Mexico, my grandmother took it upon herself to move to the United States and begin working. She had the desire to make a better life for her children in a place where they were more opportunities open to them than where they were currently living. My parents continued this ambition by both working jobs to provide for my siblings and me. I remember having to be watched by my grandparents on nights when both my parents would have to work just so that they could pull enough money together to not only pay their bills but to give my family whatever we wanted. It did not occur at the time that they were sacrificing so much just to make sure that we were happy. Even now, when my older brother is in college, my mother still seeks to help makes things easier by offering to pay for his phone bill. My brother can and has been able to pay for his own line, but she recognizes that she was brought up knowing that money could be plentiful one month and scarce the next and so wishes to aide in any way she can.
Seeing this pattern of selflessness in my family has inspired me to continue the tradition. Being openly gay in school after the 8th grade, I made myself a support figure for any person struggling with their sexuality. One example of this is my own best friend. He came to me for help when he had the suspicion of himself being gay. I was able to use what I had gone through as a basis for advice as well websites/book that he could go to for further advice. By being a support figure, I helped other people during one of the hardest times in their life.
This has led me to become aspired to look towards a career where I can help people. Specifically, I would like to be able to continue to help confused gay teens as I believe there is not enough support for them in the world right now. I want to be able to help lift them out of their confused world and set them on a path towards self-acceptance.
As I look at my dreams now, I can see that they are not random at all. They fit in with my family history. People hoping to help other people, doing whatever they can to make things easier. My ancestors have passed on this passion of helping people onto me, and I righteously accept it and hope to pass it on to more people in the world.
Prompt 2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
If I mess up now, my world will come to an end. Not literally, but at the time I was sure that that would be the consequence of failure. I was in the middle of a choir concert, stepping onto the risers. The group had been rehearsing our four songs every Tuesday and Thursday for the past two and a half months at 7 am in Men's Chorus. Normally, setting onto the risers wouldn't cause anxiety levels to rise inside of me, but this time was different. I had a solo to perform.
The baritone that was originally meant to perform the solo had gotten sick the week of the concert. While they would still be able to sing, I would be the one to take his place performing the solo. Standing on that riser in front of all those people really got to me at that moment. As we began to sing our song, I began to prepare myself in my mind. I continued to tell myself "You can do this." While this self motivation really helped to calm my nerves, it would take more to fully prepare me for what was soon to happen.
I had to put most of my mental power into focusing on what the solo required of me. I focused on the words in my head, making sure that I would not forget them. I started thinking about how my fellow choir members were counting on me to follow through and make the piece we were singing really shine. I could feel their energy and I embraced it. The measure before my solo, I took a deep breath and declared myself ready. The solo turned out amazing. I couldn't remember a time when I had sung better.
Besides the obvious satisfaction, I also gained a realization about my life and who I am. I had worked hard on the song as a whole, as I do with all things in my life. Term papers, projects, personal goals; all of these things require dedication to accomplish. They also required that I remain focus and motivated. Singing the solo required that I practiced, focused, and motivated myself to completion just like everything else in my life.
Being able to sing the solo showed me that no matter the obstacle, I can accomplish whatever I want. No matter what is put in front of me, as long as I stay motivated and focused, I can complete any tasks. It also makes me proud to know that my hard work does pay off eventually. My friends always complain that what they do in school or in life will never pay off and so it is pointless. I'm proud to know that it can and will pay off as long as you put your mind into it.
My family has always had the ambition to reach bigger and greater things. They have taken it upon themselves to try and better the lives of the people around them. My desire to selflessly help others was inspired by the ambition of my family.
My family has always sought to improve the lives of others. My grandmother had the desire to make a better life for her children in a place where they were more opportunities open to them than where they were currently living. My parents continued this ambition by both working jobs to provide for my siblings and me.( I don't like this sentence, did they work countless jobs because all parents work to provide for their families) I remember having to be watched by my grandparents on nights when both my parents would have to work just so that they could pull enough money together to not only pay their bills but to give my family whatever we wanted. It did not occur to me at the time that they were sacrificing so much just to make sure that we were happy. Even now, when my older brother is in college, my mother still seeks to help makes things easier by offering to pay for his phone bill. My brother can and has been able to pay for his own line, but she recognizes that she was brought up knowing that money could be plentiful one month and scarce the next and so wishes to aide in any way she can.( this goes off topic)
Seeing this pattern of selflessness in my family has inspired me to continue the tradition. Being openly gay, I made myself a support figure for any person struggling with their sexuality. My best friend came to me for support when he started to question his sexuality. I was able to use what I had gone through as a basis for advice as well websites/book that he could go to for further advice. By being a support figure, I helped other people during one of the hardest times in their life.
This has led me to become aspired to look towards a career where I can help people. Specifically, I would like to be able to continue to help confused gay teens as I believe there is not enough support for them in the world right now. I want to be able to help lift them out of their confused world and set them on a path towards self-acceptance.
As I look at my dreams now, I can see that they are not random at all. They fit in with my family history. People hoping to help other people, doing whatever they can to make things easier. My ancestors have passed on this passion of helping people onto me, and I righteously accept it and hope to pass it on to more people in the world.
I think you should make your paragraphs connect more. Don't use phrases like for example, instead just lead into the example.
I understand that your family likes to help people and your gay so you want to help people with their sexuality. But since this is more about sexuality why don't you talk less about your family helping others and expand on why you want to help people in that particular area.
I really like your second prompt. Its nice how you start off with a story.
Besides the obvious satisfaction, I gained a realization about my life and who I am. I had worked hard on the song as a whole, as I do with all aspects of my life. Term papers, projects, personal goals; all of these things require dedication to accomplish. They also required that focus and motivation. Singing the solo required me to practice, focus, and motivate myself just like I do with everything else in my life.
Being able to sing the solo showed me that no matter the obstacle, I can accomplish whatever I want. No matter what is put in front of me, as long as I stay motivated and focused, I can complete any task. It makes me proud to know that my hard work eventually does pay off . My friends always complain that what they do in school or in life will never pay off and so it is pointless. I'm proud to know that it can and will pay off as long as you put your mind to it.
