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Helping an Old Man; College Admissions- Better Person


kgarneau21 1 / -  
Sep 11, 2013   #1
Have you ever done something in life that really changed you and made you a better person? I have...it happened this past December, during the holiday season.

I just got out of work one day around 5:30 in the afternoon, and I was walking to my car when an old man walked up to me. He looked very weak, and frail, and as if he had been outside in the cold for a long time. The old man asked me if I knew where he parked his car. I answered him saying that I didn't know where his car was, and I then asked him if he remembered where he last parked it. The old man told me the only thing he remembers was parking it in a parking lot. So we walked into the parking lot that was right next store to my work to try to find his car. We walked up and down the rows of cars but the old man kept saying that none of the cars there were his. [..]

tantadedanaan 6 / 11 11  
Feb 22, 2015   #2
Hi there!

Just to add some points

I just got out of work one day (much better if you put the date here) around 5:30 in the afternoon, and I was walking towards my car when an old man walked upalong sidetowith me. He looked very weak, and frail, and as if he had been outside in the cold for a long time. The old man asked me if I knew where he parked his car. I answered him saying that I didn't know where his car was, and I then I asked him if he can still remembered where he last parked it. The old man told me that the only thing he remembered was he parked his carparking it in a parking lot. So we walked along to the next parking lotthatwhich was right nextstoreto where Imy work to try to find his car. We walked up and down the(I did not get your points here) rows of cars but the old man kept saying that none of the cars there were his.them are his car.

Then the old man said to me, "I parked it in a parking lot, and walked" and he began to say this over and over again. I interrupted him and asked if he was sure this was the parking lot that he parked it in, and he told me he wasn't sure anymore. The old man began mumbling to himself, and then he looked at me and said I walked from the doctor's office where my wife was. Right as soon as he began speaking about walking from the doctor's office I knew hethat there washad something wrong with him because he had no clue of where he was.

I asked him if there was anyone from his family that I could try to get in touch with. He stared at me blankly when I asked him this then he fumbled through his pockets and pulled out his cellphone and handed it to me. I scrolled through his phone trying to find his contact list but all the numbers that were entered in his phone didn't have a name assignedto them . This wasn't any help.

I then decided to bring the old man into my work place to get him out of the cold. We walked in, and my boss was standing there asking me why I came back. I told him what was going on and he told me that I should call the cops since I couldn't get in touch with anyone from his family. I looked upfor the Norwood police department telephone number and called them. I explained to the cop who answered the phone what was happening and it turns out the cop iswas very familiar with the old man. He told me that he wouldwill come to our place to help usbe right over to my work to help out.

When the cop came into my work , I could tell that him and the old manboth of them knew each other right away because the cop walked in and said, "You know youre not supposed to be out on your own Mr. Johnson." The cop came over to me and told me that the old man's name was Mr. Johnson, and that he suffers from Alzheimer's disease. He went on to tell me that Mr. Johnson leaves his home a lot and gets himself lost, and that he is not supposed to be out alone. The Norwood police department has found Mr. Johnson wondering around town quite a few times and more often than not he doesn't know where he is or what's going on.

This may sound cheesy to you, but helping Mr. Johnson out that day really changed my outlook onin life. It taught me to appreciate life, and to never take anything for granted because you really never know what life is going to throw atto you. And,A lso, knowing that something like this could even happen to my grandfather who also suffers from Alzheimer's disease really made me realize that the time I spend with him is precious. This story as a whole has really changed me and made me an even better person in life. I'm so thankful that this happened to me because now I have a greater appreciation for the little things in life.

I will just add up some few suggestions to help you improve it.

1. Try to leave space between each paragraph whenever you write a certain topic. It will make your work looks neat.

2. There are some grammatical errors that can be fix by just few editing. I also seen some repetitive words, you can use synonyms to solve that issue

3. Lastly, I think you essay was great, it was very rare to read an essay saying a good news about helping other people.

I hope that I can help you somehow. Best of luck.


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