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'helping people' - Apply Texas: issue of importance, how/why it effects you


Grimes 2 / 4  
Jul 26, 2012   #1
Topic B:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Over the past few years the amount of recorded concussions suffered by athletes, specifically high school football athletes, has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, the increasing statistic has struck fear in the parents of athletes. Fearful for the health and safety of their children, parents have begun discouraging football from the lives of kids. However, although protective fear is not unwarranted, the parents often do not fully grasp or even understand the reasons for why the statistic has been increasing.

As a student athletic trainer at my high school, I have been approached countless times by the parents of high school and middle school student athletes with concerns about concussions. Many distressed parents believe the annual number of recorded concussions is rising because it "just is". What they do not realize is that there are multiple driving factors behind the increase in statistics. The primary reason for the inflation is through the increasing amount of participants in football. The more participants there are in football, the greater the likelihood for a concussion. In addition, the awareness level and caution advised towards possible concussions has increased as team personnel learn more about the symptoms and effects of a sustained concussion, resulting in more recorded concussions. In theory, the advancements in fitness technology and coaching technique also add to the number of annual concussions as athletes are able to become bigger, stronger, and harder hitting at a much faster pace than in prior years. It is arguable that football has become more dangerous over time, but not as much as parents are coming to believe. In fact, because of the recent influx in attention paid towards football and athletic injuries, it is equally debatable that football has become safer over time despite the increase in concussions. In 2010 and 2011, Texas legislators passed a bill that provided requirements for helmet structures and for concussion management training for certain UIL-covered high school football team personnel. In addition, the bill passed cautious restrictions to help prevent an athlete from sustaining multiple concussions. Hopefully as officials make moves to further protect adolescent athletes, parents will begin to trust in the new system and allow their children to participate.

My life aspiration is to help people, and I have chosen to do so by working to become a certified athletic trainer. As a student athletic trainer I have already seen the effects of the "concussion debate" and therefore strive to aid in both comforting and protecting parents and athletes of my community by educating them about concussions.

Thank you in advance for any help/suggestions!
rpark94 1 / 3  
Jul 27, 2012   #2
Nice essay and topic! I like how you can tie your topic into your future aspirations as well.

I feel like you can change "understand the reasons for why the statistic has been increasing" to "understand the reasons why the statistic has been increasing".

"As a student athletic trainer I have already seen" => "As a student athletic trainer, I have already seen".
Gsan82 2 / 8  
Jul 29, 2012   #3
Over all its good! Rpark94 basically tells you your mistakes, but nontheless its a good essay!
OP Grimes 2 / 4  
Jul 30, 2012   #4
Thanks for the input guys. Keep it coming if there is more. Below is the updated essay.

Over the past few years the amount of recorded concussions suffered by athletes, specifically high school football athletes, has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, the increasing statistic has struck fear in the parents of athletes. Fearful for the health and safety of their children, parents have begun discouraging football from the lives of kids. However, although protective fear is not unwarranted, the parents often do not fully grasp or even understand the reasons why the statistic has been increasing.

As a student athletic trainer at my high school, I have been approached countless times by the parents of high school and middle school student athletes with concerns about concussions. Many distressed parents believe the annual number of recorded concussions is rising because it "just is". What they do not realize is that there are multiple driving factors behind the increase in statistics. The primary reason for the inflation is through the increasing amount of participants in football. The more participants there are in football, the greater the likelihood for a concussion. In addition, the awareness level and caution advised towards possible concussions has increased as team personnel learn more about the symptoms and effects of a sustained concussion, resulting in more recorded concussions. In theory, the advancements in fitness technology and coaching technique also add to the number of annual concussions as athletes are able to become bigger, stronger, and harder hitting at a much faster pace than in prior years. It is arguable that football has become more dangerous over time, but not as much as parents are coming to believe. In fact, because of the recent influx in attention paid towards football and athletic injuries, it is equally debatable that football has become safer over time despite the increase in concussions. In 2010 and 2011, Texas legislators passed a bill that provided requirements for helmet structures and for concussion management training for certain UIL-covered high school football team personnel. In addition, the bill passed cautious restrictions to help prevent an athlete from sustaining multiple concussions. Hopefully as officials make moves to further protect adolescent athletes, parents will begin to trust in the new system and allow their children to participate.

My life aspiration is to help people, and I have chosen to do so by working to become a certified athletic trainer. As a student athletic trainer, I have already seen the effects of the "concussion debate" and therefore strive to aid in both comforting and protecting parents and athletes of my community by educating them about concussions.


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