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Helping others is as my second nature - UT Austin Upper Division Nursing Class Application Essay


LonghornGal 1 / -  
Jan 15, 2015   #1
Instructions: Explain why you chose nursing and what you think you would like to do in the future as a nurse. You are also encourage to include an explanation or description of your situation or circumstances not fully described elsewhere in the application, which may deserve consideration in the admissions committee. Essays will be scored on the content and the quality of writing. 850 word limit.

This is a draft I am working on. I tried to make this into something that told a story (give the committee something different!) but still adhered to the essay guidelines. Hopefully it flows as well on paper as it did in my head. I am thinking about changing up the ending a little maybe to incorporate more of a "bigger picture". I am a little concerned that this essay might reach the reader as too personal as opposed to professional. I appreciate any input. Thank you so much for your help!

ESSAY:
Helping others is something that comes as second nature to me, whether that includes baking a birthday cake for a child in foster care, volunteering at my local refugee shelter, lending a hand in organizing a community Passover Seder or simply buying groceries for my elderly neighbor. The decision to pursue a career in nursing was never really a difficult one mostly because I've always believed that I did not choose nursing, but rather nursing chose me. There are two motivating factors behind this reasoning: a poignant life-changing event and first hand experience with a public health crisis.

At the age of 14, I witnessed my mother become a victim of a violent assault that left her with multiple injuries. Soon afterwards, I became her caregiver and managed to balance my time between going to school, keeping up with household chores, and helping care for my two younger siblings. Although life was HARD, I thrived in knowing that I was making a difference in her recovery. This innate feeling of compassion has influenced my drive to work in the nursing field the most. Life does not always fall into place as one would like, however I have never been the type to let an obstacle deter me from my goals. Even after having 2 children of my own, I continued to pursue my dream of nursing by attending community college part time while I worked full time as a medical assistant in a variety of clinical settings such as family practice, OB/GYN, endocrinology and pediatrics. I took every job seriously, being very aware of the responsibility that I carried. Over the last 10 years, the clinical management positions that I have filled are proof that my employers took note of my keen sense of problem solving, teamwork and patient interactions. Each specialty proved to be refreshing and challenged me on several levels. I enjoyed everything that encompassed working a new specialty and this change in environments also helped me maintain my clinical, critical thinking, and communication skills sharp. I consider the experience that I have gained while working as a medical assistant a crucial aspect in forging a healthcare career path but it would take a public heath crisis in Central America to ultimately reinforce nursing as my true calling.

Every couple of years I travel to my native country to visit relatives. Honduras has always been poverty-stricken but it wasn't until I began working in health care that I realized that this developing country was lacking even the most basic healthcare, especially in rural villages. I watched a young boy loose his thumb to gangrene because the city hospital had refused to treat him due to government cuts. This same hospital also turned away hundreds of the diabetic patients it treated monthly. The lack of concern this institution portrayed towards other human beings was shocking to say the least. I decided that while others shut their doors, I was going to make it my goal to help those in need but to achieve this I would need to gain advanced nursing skills in order to provide the necessary acute and preventive care. Aside from a BSN, my ultimate objective is to achieve a master's in nursing with the intention of obtaining a license as a nurse practitioner. The N.P. license will further enable me to not only fully serve my local community (whom I also intend to provide care for) but the international one as well and I believe that the excellent education provided by the UT school of nursing will fully prepare me for the humanitarian mission that lies ahead. While this may not make a dent in the healthcare problems that plague the country, I do believe that it will improve the lives of some, even if just a few.

My background is heavily saturated with medicine but I am grateful to have experienced it all as it has really put many things into perspective for me, in effect allowing me to grow both as a person and a professional. Furthermore, it has given me the opportunity to appreciate what I have and motivates me to work even harder to help those that are less fortunate. The opportunity to make a difference in someone's life or well being is reason enough for me to want to stay in this field but the fact that it is also a multifaceted field with constantly evolving specialties further cements my desire to pursue this as a lifelong career. I do not like to think of myself above others but given the circumstances, I can be considered a unique and excellent nursing candidate. I can assure you that I have never met anyone in my career that has regretted making me part of their clinical team. I am hopeful that UT nursing will feel the same. In short, nursing IS MY LIFE.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 15, 2015   #2
I would have opened the essay with "Nursing is my life" in order to create a hook for the admissions officer. It will get him to think about why you would make such a statement and encourage further reading of your essay. Your current opening statement is too bland and does not really offer an insight into nursing as a career for you. Rather it shows a humanitarian side which, although a part of the call for a nurse, does not really translate into a compelling reason for pursuing this career. Your essay will best pick up from the point where you stated what happened when you were 14 years old as it shows the early foundation of your nursing career and directly ties in with your humanitarian side in relation to your desire to pursue nursing as a career. While your essay is highly informative, it is so filled with words that it becomes hard to read and truthfully, become boring after a time. You need to compress your paragraphs and shorten the content to reflect straightforward answers to the prompt requirements. Rather than presenting your future goals per paragraph, just write one collective paragraph that will deal with it. After all, your ambition for one, applies to all aspects of your nursing career.
Acioncion 3 / 11 2  
Jan 15, 2015   #3
I like your essay, I think it's full of enthusiasm and energy. As my English grammar is not so good, I can tell anything about this aspect. Talking about the content,there is only one point in the end of your essay which is difficult to accept for me is that you said "I can assure you that I have never met anyone in my carer who has regretted making me part of their clinical team. " From my prospective is little bit exaggerating to say that you know what people really think, but maybe it attracted my eye because of cultural background, according to it being modest is a virtue. Wish you best luck to get into this university!


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