Hi! Please give me some feedback on my essay answering the third common app question. Thanks!
"In any good song, there's a long pause. After the long pause, comes the grand finale or the twisted chorus. I think that is what my life is about. I am not at school, the world is moving a lot slower and I believe God has greater plans for me. I will have my grandiose finale, for my song of life."
Ronald was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia just two months after his high school graduation. At that point, he already had forty five percent cancer cells in his body; he was to be sent to the hospital for immediate treatment, temporarily putting his scholarship in England on hold.
Despite undergoing the distressing chemotherapy and radiotherapy, Ronald fought leukemia with perseverance while keeping an optimistic attitude throughout. I was blindly susceptible to his tough act and completely convinced by him that everything was only temporary.
In fact, it was. On February 23, 2007, less than two years after Ronald had been diagnosed with cancer, he took his last breath. He fought a fierce battle with leukemia courageously and gracefully, making a strikingly bold statement at the end of it.
Although I am unable to place my finger on exactly what he wished to announce with his departure, I do recognize the irony of Ronald allowing me to acknowledge things in life that are not always noticeable. He drew my attention to smaller details that otherwise I would have neglected, even the most trivial things.
I thought I knew what life and death meant, but my understanding was only skin-deep. Forced to look at death in the eye, I now see that between life and death exists only one fine line. Although Ronald's crossing of this line induced a rush of emotions and unbearable sorrow upon me, still I know I will never fully understand the concept of death. I have come to learn that grief and pain are essential things that are associated with living and dying, things that I must live with.
I look at life now with different perspectives and have discovered new meanings in the ordinary. It seems sweet just to be going to school every day, being with my family, having friends and feeling healthy. I used to make a big deal out of insignificant little things, like thinking that B- for math was disastrous. But a pitiful math grade does not define life, there comes a point where I have to get over it and move on. These small things now fall into perspective. My friend grew stronger from excruciating pain; I have grown wiser from deep sorrow.
Ronald wished his death to be grand and was ironic about it being grandiose. The finale to Ronald's song of life was indeed grand. It was through his courageous act that had enabled me to appreciate the simplest joys in life, and to take notice of the ordinary. I no longer mourn the death of a dear friend, but have learned to celebrate the life of a hero in disguise.
This is a well-written and moving essay! I like tone, which is simple, yet poignant. I have just couple of editing suggestions:
But a pitiful math grade does not define life; there comes a point where I have to get over it and move on. - These are two independent clauses, so use a semicolon instead of a comma.
It was through his courageous act that I was able to appreciate the simplest joys in life,