Thanks anyone who is willing to read and edit my essay. Also, I will read your and edits your essay too. Thanks.
If you selected one of the engineering majors, please write a brief third essay telling us what has led you to an interest in this field of study, what experiences (if any) you have had in engineering, and what it is about Yale's engineering program that appeals to you.
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"Connect these four dots with three lines." Little did my teacher know, she was about to change my life. I drew three lines along three edges. Nope. That only connects three dots. Second Try: I tried connecting two edges then making a slant towards the opposite corner. Nope- failed again. I tried again and again using the same flawed technique and failed every time. I became frustrated; why wasn't it working? My teacher saw my frustrated-red face and my constantly-moving hands and realized that I was not going to stop. To my dismay, she then showed me the solution. You have to draw two lines along the edges and extend them past the corners. A final line then connects both of these lines and intersects the final dot. To solve this puzzle, you had to literally think outside the box.
Ever since my teacher showed me this puzzle, I have yearned to see things differently. From time to time, I do something unique like writing a poem about struggle that is based on itsy bitsy spider or starting an essay with four dots because I cannot think of a good intro, but these instances are few. Still, I cannot help but hope that someday I will be unique enough to see everything differently.
My heroes - engineers - are already doing so. Engineers took an almost unused Colorado River and turned it into the power source for three states through the Hoover Dam. Engineers compiled all the information in the world and put it into an easily accessible website like Wikipedia. Engineers harnessed the power of something as fickle as feelings to make something as successful as Facebook. Engineers know how to think outside the box.
My dream is that someday, with enough practice, I will be able to become an engineer thus able to think differently. Right now, my problem is that when I try to think outside the box, sometimes I think too far outside and cannot find the original dots any more. The solution here is simple - have other people guide me. With Yale's unbelievable 1:1 student to faculty ratio, I will have the individual attention that I need to remain somewhat on path.
I think you should write more about your interest in Engineering. You allocated two paragraphs (almost 50% of the essay) to one of your childhood experiences. That is interesting, but it is too long and you did not elaborately talk about Engineering, the main issue that the prompt has asked you.
I actually disagree with ah_zafari, you craft the experience quite well, as some sort of elementary, rough form of engineering. It gets to the subject rather than the field. I like it a lot.
"Right now, my problem is that when I try to think outside the box, sometimes I think too far outside and cannot find the original dots any more." - That's a little vague, can you explain that a bit more?
"the solution here is simple - have other people guide me." - My initial impression of this was that you didn't want to take the initiative to build something of your own 'outside of the box', maybe clarify this idea a bit more? I'm not exactly sure what you're wanting me to infer about your personality from this.
Otherwise, I think it's final draft worthy.
Also, what did you mean by not being sure whether or not a personal essay is a good thing? Just wondering, thanks!
