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SAT - Some of the heroes get forgotten because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives


luisfl97 1 / 1  
Aug 7, 2014   #1
Prompt:
Time has a doomsday book, on whose pages he is continually recording illustrious names. But as often as a new name is written there, an old one disappears. Only a few stand in illuminated characters never to be effaced.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Assignment:
Are there some heroes who will be remembered forever? Or are all heroes doomed to be forgotten one day? Plan your response, and then write an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to support your position with specific points and examples. (You may use personal examples or examples from your reading, observations, or, knowledge of subjects such as history, literature, science.)

Please rate it from 1 to 6. It probably sucks, but this was the first time I'm training for the essay. It is also such a short time you have for writing, you can barely proofread!

MY ESSAY:
Many times we come to wonder whether it's worth it or not to benefit someone or some people, since we'll most likely be forgotten in a couple of years, maybe months, right? It is tempting to follow this stream of thoughts, since it's the easiest path: you won't have to bend yourself backwards for someone else. Despite that, you are probably better off helping people in general, since it's a much more rewarding experience.

I, for example, have always taken my studies seriously. Do all my tasks, got all my assignments prepared way before the deadline. On top of that, I'm very social, so I like to hang with all my classmates, from brainy to not-so-clever ones. It is no surprise that I tend to catch the eyes, sometimes, of some self-centered mates that want to become friends just tfor me to help them study.

I've had, indeed, many opportunities to turn them down, but I did not, and here's why: I feel it's best to contribute to the world and not ask for anything back. You'll just get this feeling of having done your part; you're creating a better world. I realised that, after some time, all the people I'd helped became even nicer to me than they were before, and that lasts to this day.

Although some of the heroes get forgotten, I believe that is so because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives, although benefiting them in a long term. Now, when you do something good directly to someone, that will last, and you'll probably be reminded as someone helpful, and if you've made such contribution, even a hero.

That's definitely something that makes me keep my faith in humanity, with the belief that people do good things will receive good things as well, and, in my opinion, that's what has made the world progress to this day.

Thank You!!!

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Aug 8, 2014   #2
you'll probably be reminded as someone helpful, and if you've made such contribution, even a hero.

Careful, I think that word is supposed to be remembered instead of reminded.

You have a very nice writing style, in your essay definitely does not suck. However I have an important criticism for you! I am happy to offer this criticism because it might help you a lot when completing your future writing assignments: start by writing a sentence that succinctly answers the question!

Look back at the question: Will all heroes be forgotten, or are there some heroes who will be remembered forever? I don't think you entered this question in the essay. Teachers love to take points off when students accidentally miss the point of the question and write about something different. You wrote a great essay, but teachers know that part of their job is to make sure students know how to directly answer the question instead of missing the point.

So, if you want to get good marks on writing assignments, you should respond to essay prompts by writing one sentence that answers the question or addresses the prompt. Make it a brilliant, memorable sentence and put it at the end of the first paragraph.

Then, go back and add a few really interesting sentences to the beginning of the first paragraph so that the reader's attention will be captured by the time they get to that thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph. The thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph should directly answer the question.

: )
samkazmi 6 / 13  
Aug 28, 2014   #3
In terms of your writing, the essay is pretty good. But you did not answer the question. Give a couple of examples historical figures who will always be remembered and why they'll be remembered forever.

If there wasn't any question to answer, I would've given you 4 or 5, but you didn't so I cant give a score.
But good try and good luck next time!


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