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"Hey, don't Play Play!" - What matters to me and why (stanford)

Doom 13 / 37 2  
Oct 18, 2012   #1
Okay, because of the common disapproval of my previous entry on this question, i tried another approach. I really need a person to help me out with the grammar of this because seriously, my grammar is really down the drain. Also tell me what you think of this idea. Be honest and harsh! thanks guys!

What matters to you and why?
"Hey, don't Play Play!"

Those words from an elderly woman chiding my six year old self for playing on with the library computers still resonates in my mind today. It was my first brush with the peculiar dialect Singlish; the product of various south Asian languages mingling. As someone who was raised to speak in only 'Standard' English, Singlish sounded to me as if the English language was held up at gunpoint and rifled for any punctuation.

But over time I have become very proud and somewhat psychotically defensive of this much blunt, impatient, clipped sounding language. My job entails me to cooperate and often lead men of varying backgrounds and cultures, and the repercussions of communication breakdowns in my vocation can potentially be fatal. I am still shocked at how much I now rely on the language, when recently I unconsciously reprimanded one of my new recruits using the very same line that old lady used against me. The unifying language of Singlish is what enables me to be understood, and allows me command and control my men.

Singlish matters to me not only as a means of communication but also as it symbolizes personally the cultural diversity I grew up with. Singlish is a spicy mix of English, Malay, Chinese and Tamil - all languages of cultures which have molded me. I am as influenced by the customs of the Hungry Ghost Festival as I am of Hari Raya Haji, Deepavali and Christmas. Even though I might not belong to the respective religions, I still celebrate these events with my friends, family and community. Singlish represents the multiculturalism that is as much part of the fabric of Singapore as it is of me.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Oct 20, 2012   #2
What I like about this essay:
It is very unique, this topic of singlish, I have never heard of it, so it immediately makes me interested
You explain how this language works for you, how you use it in everyday life, why it is necessary for your work.
You describe the origin and combination of cultures that it envelopes.

What I don't like:
I feel like it needs more detail, if you have any more room (i don't know your word limit on this) You could add another little story that reveals how you were affected by this language.

I actually don't like the "don't play play" part. I think it is unnecessary and you should use some other example of your experience with this language.

Diversity is a great thing to talk about, but keep it original, it is easy to begin sounding cliche when talking about this topic.
nikapika - / 3  
Oct 20, 2012   #3
I thought this essay was good, very humorous. Many parts were vague and left me confused though. What sort of job did you have? I would clarify the second paragraph a lot more.

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