I'm so glad I found this site... I'm not sure if this fits intellectual vitality(what does that even mean??) but this is the essay that i wrote. I am a little over the word limit but i cant see where i can cut it down anymore. Please advise:
Growing up, I was constantly told that I was a precocious child. Flipping through the P section of the dictionary gave the definition:
Precocious (adjective)
1. (of a child) having developed certain abilities or inclinations at an earlier age than is usual or expected.
At ten, I couldn't identify with this adjective and at sixteen, I wondered if I was hearing correctly. I am that girl who is always looking for an adventure, always making people laugh. Disney was my favourite channel until I turned 17. I still know all the words to the high school musical songs. Nevertheless, I was presumed precocious by others.
In the tenth grade, lunch prices rose again. Students and staff members alike were rather disgruntled as the quality of the food and service was substandard. Fellow classmates planned a peaceful strike in retaliation. Unfortunately, it turned into a violent riot, resulting in a number of students being suspended.
The next day, I wrote a letter to the board of directors outlining the issues that needed to be addressed as well as possible solutions. The following week, the head of the board came by the school to meet with the canteen workers and myself. At the end of the meeting, the head of directors turned to me and said, 'I admire the way you addressed this matter. You are a rather precocious child."
This experience taught me something that I feel was vital to my intellectual development. In the heat of the moment; we often forget that there are more than one ways to solve a problem. Once we master the art of identifying these alternate methods, we now possess a skill that will prove to be invaluable as we pave our paths to success, building a firm foundation to propel us towards a brighter future.
As I walked to my class, I smiled to myself. I finally identified with the adjective.
The conclusion is a bit wordy and can be condensed. Also, it might sound cliched to end with the "smiling" reflection. I'm actually interested in the "violent riot" (might be a bit too strong) that occurred at your school because of "substandard" lunch food, and how you took matters into your own hands. Expand on that!
