Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (250 words)
Entering my freshman year of high school, I believed in high school stereotypes. Sometimes I judged people at first sight. Jocks, goths, nerds, stoners; you name it. Being on the football team, I tried to fit in with the "jock" stereotype; always trying to act cool and tough.
Strangely enough, I was also in band. Unfortunately, band and football do not mix well. Afraid that I'll fall into the "band geek" stereotype, I tried to dissociate myself with them. While there are a few on the drumline I occasionally talked to, I kept the same attitude towards most of the band kids throughout the first half semester. Fortunately, that changed on our twenty-four hour bus ride to Disney World.
Twenty-four hours on a bus full of band geeks? I seriously thought I wouldn't be able to survive that. I was scared that I would become like them, and I'd be a new person when we returned to school. But as each hour passed, I grew fonder of every kid on the bus. I started to develop new friendships and I grew to appreciate each unique personality.
After that trip, I stopped judging people. I realized that no two people are the same. I've also helped some of my friends on the football team see that. At the University of Michigan, I hope to help more people realize that if we all came to overcome differences, we would be a much better society.
Word Count: 242
thanks in advance
Good morning.
A few suggestions. First, watch the inappropriate use of semi colons. For instance, "..."jock" stereotype, always trying to...". Make sure that you stay in the same tense throughout your whole piece. For instance, you start out in past tense, but switch to present tense with "...that I'll fall into..." it should be "I would." Also, make sure you avoid contractions in formal academic writing; they are inappropriate, and many instructors will count down for their use.
You've got a good example to answer the prompt with, so after you clean the piece up mechanically, you'll have a great response to the prompt. Nice work.
Regards,
Gloria
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