I am highly zealous, energetic and motivated by a resounding urge to serve my country.
Resounding? Is this a correct way to use this word?
The only paragraph that talks about you is your first paragraph.
I am highly zealous, energetic and motivated by a resounding urge to serve my country.
How do you serve your country?
I believe in hard work, patriotism, personal responsibility and traditional values. I like to believe that I am an idealist and do not believe in chasing materialistic pursuits. These are some of things that define me. Over the last few years, I have grown as an individual. I have been able to realize my true goals and have become much more focused in life. This conscious realization of true self has developed in me a keenness to excel and I have embarked on a journey that has taken me to new heights.
What does any of this have to do with the rest of your essay?
I have always wanted to contribute to my community and bring change. An issue that I am particularly passionate about is the improvement of governance and the establishment of a representative political system in Pakistan.
At least tell me how you plan to display your passionate attitude.
Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
Well admissions will certainly know a lot about Pakistani government after this.
Other than some empty characteristics (empty because they are not exemplified) in your introduction nothing in your essay tells admissions about you.