"Hispanic environment in Brooklyn" - Syracuse Supplement Help, Why?

Hey is there any way to improve my Syracuse Supplement Essay#1
1. Growing up in a generally Hispanic environment in Brooklyn for much of my life I felt out of place once I moved to a mostly Caucasian environment in Northern New Jersey. In Brooklyn, many of the kids weren't interested in things such as college basketball. Instead, we played such sports as handball or volleyball. In an attempt to fit into an environment in which sports such as college basketball was more popular, I adopted the Syracuse Orangemen as my favorite basketball team. In middle school, I would not only avidly watch the college basketball games on TV, but also had the opportunity to attend a game with a friend in 2006. In Syracuse's win against Georgetown in the Carrier Dome I witnessed the school spirit that Syracuse is famous for. This inspired me to apply to Syracuse. Even as I entered high school, I remained an ardent SU fan. Of equal importance, because I am not certain on what career path I would like to choose, Syracuse with all its diverse majors would be a perfect for me. Whether I choose a career path in law or medicine, I am confident that I will begetting a quality education at Syracuse University. It seems almost impossible to find anything to negative to say about Syracuse. Because all that Syracuse means to me and has to offer, it would be an honor for me to be part of a truly awesome school.

Growing up in a generally Hispanic environment in Brooklyn for much of my life, I felt out of place once I moved to a mostly Caucasian environment in Northern New Jersey.

In an attempt to fit into an environment in which sports such as college basketball were more popular

In middle school, I would not only avidly watch the college basketball gamesOrangemen play on TV, but also had the opportunity to attend a game with a friend in 2006. In Syracuse's win against Georgetown in the Carrier Dome, I witnessed the school spirit that Syracuse is famous for

because I am not certain on whatwhich career path I would like towill choose, Syracuse with all itsthe diverse majors at Syracuse would be a perfect for me.

I am confident that I will be getting a quality education at Syracuse University.

Because all that Syracuse means to me and has to offer, it would be an honor for me to be part of a truly awesome school.

I would rewrite this as: "It would be an honor for me to be a part of Syracuse, a school with so much to offer that means so much to me" or something like that...