Hello Everyone
I would appreciate anyone could read my Personal Statement and give me suggestions. Your help is appreciated
This is the first prompt
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Throughout my life, I have been criticized for having aspiring dreams to leave a tiny, all-Hispanic farm community dominated by gangs and drugs to pursue a greater education. Many people always told me that I would never be anything. Gang members have tried to pick on me for choosing not to be a part of their group. They tried to abolish my confidence for being different. I chose not to be a follower as I avoided what many people in my community could not avoid; that is, dropping out of high school, join a gang or begin a career of working in the fields. The environment I have been living in has helped me become a motivated person and disciplined person in order to attend college and earn a college degree.
For years my family had to persevere as my father has worked for over 40 years in the farm business in order for my family to be financially stable and so my brothers and I could have a college education. My Father was always disciplined with me at a young age. Everyday he would come out of work at 6 in the evening. He made a rule that as soon as I came home from school, I had to finish my homework before he came. There were times that I would despise that rule because I wanted to play outside or watch cartoons, but as I grew older I became accustomed to finish my homework early as I entered high school and had to work on tougher and time consuming projects. I realized that my Father enforced this rule so that I could develop a sense of discipline at a young age. My Family was always disciplined with me at a young age. Eventually, prioritizing came naturally to me as I do not procrastinate on the important things I have to handle.
Living in a farm community, I did not have many opportunities to experience or travel to cities and amusement parks throughout the country. I have never left the state in my life and the only times I have traveled was in school field trips to universities. The fact that I was never able to travel as much as I would of liked to, it has inspired me to complete my education. I have always dreamed of traveling outside the United States to visit my family in Mexico. I have never met them before because my family never had the time to take a vacation or the money to travel. This has motivated me to receive an education because I know that I will be able to travel much more after I have a college degree. I dream to one day visit my family whom I have never seen in my life and this motivates me to not let opportunity go to waste and strive to have a successful career by obtaining a college education.
As my years going to school progressed, there were many students my age whom always told me "There is no point in trying to go to college. Just because we are Mexicans and we live in a little poor town they think we are stupid." I disagree with their comments. The fact that they believe that we, as Hispanics living in a small community that nobody has ever heard about, are never going to have the opportunities to receive a education after high school is ridiculous. Every time I heard people speaking of this just motivated me even more to not give up on my dreams. I have aspirations of not only obtaining a college degree, but to have a successful career and live as healthy as I possibly can mentally and physically. In my opinion, money alone does not create happiness, but a college education and having a successful career is able to give me more opportunity to live with a feeling of happiness, live with a feeling of virtue, and live with a feeling of accomplishment.
My dream for many years is to not only go to college, but finish college and inspire people in my community that as long as people are determined to achieve their dream, they have a chance to make their dreams come to reality. Mixed Martial Artist Lyoto Machida once said, "If you have a dream, go ahead. It is absolutely possible." I truly believe that my discipline and determination will help my life-long dreams come to reality.
Throughout my life, I have been criticized for having aspiring dreams of leaving a tiny, all-Hispanic farm community dominated by gangs and drugs to pursue a greater education.
They tried to destroy the confidence that enabled me to be different. They tried to abolish my confidence for being different.
You have some important insights. Some people who try hard in school are accused of "acting white," because people think that the curriculum is designed to favor the majority, etc.. You might want to write a little about pressure from people who told you you were trying to "act white" by doing well in school. It sounds like that was an experience you had. This is an issue that I think will resonate with the admissions person reading this essay.
Good luck!!!
