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Why History is Worth Studying

Hello, I would greatly appreciate it if anyone can help me to revise one of my supplements for Tufts. Thank you so much in advance! :)

The question is: It's cool to be smart, tell us about the subjects that excite your intellectual curiosity.

There are so many critics who argue that studying history is pointless because it can't be changed. Instead, they propose to look to the future. However, history is one of the most meaningful subjects to study and analyze. It's fascinating to know what wars and legislations shaped us to be where we are today. Whether it be European History or U.S. History, every little detail is action-packed. The best part of it all is finding that one historical time period you imagine yourself living in. I would definitely want to have lived during the European Renaissance from the 14th-17th centuries. The European Renaissance was a time of rebirth in classical learning and art. If I was born in that era, I would have valued the education system at the time much more than what it has become today. It was a time in which experience was much more highly looked upon rather than reading books on a school desk or staring at a computer all day. Not to mention, I would have shadowed Michelangelo or Leonardo Da Vinci had I been born under a wealthy family able to have a bit more freedom as a woman during that time. I would have been more spontaneous, open minded, and creative because it was a time when everything and everyone was inspiring. History is like a large storybook full of different chapters each filled with a new adventure just waiting to be opened and I plan on reading every word.

Oct 21, 2016   #2
Guess what Jung, the later part of your essay, the portion where you start talking about your wish list of historical adventures, is more in line with the fear and expectations of the prompt you were provided. The first part is a bit boring and does not really interest the reader into getting to know the rest of what you have to say. Maybe you can revise the first part to make it sound as exciting as the second part? If you can do that then you can retain the first part of the essay. If not, then I suggest that you use the second part instead. You can start the essay with:

Whether it be European History or U.S. History, every little detail is action-packed.

That immediately tells the reviewer that the topic of interest to you is History and prepares him for an interesting narrative to come. The succeeding portion of your essay from that point is interesting and imaginative. I can't imagine anyone not being drawn in by the imagined scenarios you shared. It is a perfect response to the prompt.
In the first sentence you talk about how critics dismiss history and say that people should focus on the future. It might be compelling if, in your essay, you mentioned that history--and each of its chapters--really inform us about the future and about the present. When we look back on historical events and reflect on them, what factors led into them and how they could have been prevented, that can give us guidance on how to proceed in the future. That also tells us why things are the way they are today. This might lend more importance to the study of history than just saying it's fun.
Oct 22, 2016   #5
I would open your statement with a pop culture reference that can possibly break the ice and set the tone for your response. By referencing pop culture or some topics that are identifiable, the reader's interest in what you have to say reaches a peak. My introduction would go something like:

Pearl Harbor, Band of Brothers, Saving Private Ryan, and The Philadelphia Experiment. What do these movies all have in common? They all deal with important events related to the development of mankind. These movies document the history of our world for future generations to learn from. History... Now, that is a topic I believe is worth studying because, just like the historical events depicted in these movies, I believe that in order to understand our present and know where we are headed in the future, we must first understand the past and the only way to learn about the past, is by learning about our collective history.

From that point on, you can continue to use the part of your essay that starts with:
Whether it be European History or U.S. History, every little detail is action-packed. JUST LIKE A MOVIE. The best part of it all is finding that one historical time period you imagine yourself living in...

Note the part that I inserted in order to create a connection between the first paragraph and the current one.
Hi Yoosol, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, as you have seen already, we aim at providing you with the most credible feedback and comprehensive review in order to strengthen your essay and boost that confidence in you writing.

Now, as I go through your essay,it feels as though you are missing the character, your character in the essay, yes, the topic at hand is about studying history, but it also says, what tickles your intellectual capacity and don't get me wrong, if it's the European renaissance and classical arts that keep your mind busy, it's all good, however, you still need to strengthen your character as a person who will and is enjoying history.

Overall, it is a well managed essay and I believe it can still be enhance by injecting that smart, quirky side of you with the focus of ideas that you've already written.

I hope to review your final revision soon. Keep writing!
Dear Yoosol Jung, here some advices from me and feel free for correcting me too!

... is pointless because it can'tcannot be changed.

It'sIt is fascinating to know what ...

Whether it would be European History or ...

... is finding that one of historical time period that you imagine yourself living in.

Well, after your review i discovered that all your attention focused in the past events.

I would recommend you to include benefits of history both in the past and in the future. Explain what history will help you achieve.

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