'I'm a hoarder' - Tufts consider the world within- knowledge

For the second short response, we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.

I'll admit it myself, I'm a hoarder. A miser of the worst type. However, my hoarding is not that of the type that gets rehab and therapy for it on another ridiculous personal interest-type tv show; I hoard words and knowledge, beauty and creativity. I love to collect a new word and try to incorporate it into my lexicon for everyday use; one might call me sesquipedalian, if they knew what that meant. My heart soars when I find a new piece of knowledge in a book, whether it be on human genetics or baking cupcakes. My love for learning new things has lead me to devour almost all of the works of fiction in my school's capacious library. I also love crafting, so if I'm not reading you can often find me curled up in a voluminous armchair knitting or making jewelry. However, I do not keep these things all to myself, just collect them. Knowledge and beauty are inexhaustible; I share them with everyone I can in the hopes that they will be motivated to learn as much as they can also. My dream is that eventually, the world will be filled with fellow hoarders.

This is a very very rough draft, but i need help. I feel like i thought of this idea then kind of trailed off towards the end. Help, please? Thank you in advance!

Just a few changes, hope this helps! please read my essay also!


instead, you can say that what you hoard isn't physical or tangible so you're not running off topic


i would suggest rephrasing this, maybe say, "However, while I collect, I do not keep these things all to myself"


I'd suggest moving this up to right after you say, "I hoard words and knowledge, beauty and creativity."
I'd flow better and it doesn't really fit where you currently have that sentence.

I see what you mean! I'll definitely make those changes, thank you so much! I'll go check out yours :)

I like your writing style! It's got this pleasant candidness. :)

There's isn't much to improve on, but make sure you keep revising. You'll have a great piece by the end.

Please give me some feedback on both my essays. I could use any sort of help!
Thanks! And all the best!!!!

I love love the hoarding analogy, so innovative. The use of big obscene words totally ties in with the topic. Its great, although i would suggest that you revise the last sentence. I dont know i just feel as if you need to end on a stronger note somehow because it lacks in comparision to the strong opening. But all in all great essay! Good luck:)

Thank you all so much for your help! I actually totally agree with everything all of you said to improve it. I'll work on it some more when I'm not rushing to complete a few assignments and post the finished product on here haha. :)