Hi everyone. I'd really appreciate any feedback and comments about my essay below (:
I feel like there's something off about it but I'm not sure what. Also, I don't know if it's actually too short. It's only about 330 words.
In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits. (Please answer in 500 words or less.)
I'm a hoarder.
Wait, no. Let me rephrase that. I'm someone who likes to collect things people often throw away. In fact, the inside of my room looks as if the recycle bin decided to puke all over the floor.
It stemmed from a habit of forgetting to throw things away from places I've been to. As I grew older, I realized there was a deeper meaning in keeping all these objects. They became momentos and souvenirs of the places I have traveled. I keep all my plane, bus, and train tickets; I save ticket stubs from plays, musicals, and movies; I grab brochures, maps, and postcards.
These objects serve to remind me of where I've been because I want a keepsake I can look back on. I need a physical reminder of the past so I won't forget it in the near future. I even own a ticket stub book that is stuffed with memories of past trips. I look back at all these things and reminisce about the first musical I've ever seen, the first wedding I've ever attended, and the first time I've ever traveled to the United Kingdom.
I love experiencing new things and my sentimentality allows me to reflect on my past adventures. A train ticket to Chicago opens the time I saw a Blue Man Group concert. A postcard from Dublin reminds me of the time my friends and I saw living statues come to life. A playbill of the school musical brings to mind the set construction I helped build from scratch. All these seemingly random articles of paper are not only the gateway between my past and present but also a way into my future. They serve as an encouragement for new "firsts" like attending my first concert, going on my first cruise, and leaving home for the first time on my own.
Great essay. You may want to put a conclusion though. Other than that I did not spot any grammatical errors. If you have 500 words, then I advise you to use all 500 if you can.
take a look at mine please
All these seemingly random articles of paper are not only the gateway between my past and present but also a way into my future.
I think you should explain more about why is that a way into your future.
Also, write more about your personality. How does the collection shaped you or does it change your perspective or something like that.
First off, I wouldn't worry too much about the word count; Yale wants to find out something about and that's exactly what you're doing. Of course, you could try to expand certain if you want, but I don't believe that's entirely necessary. Anyway, it looks like you did a pretty good job here. It's unique, genuine, and you show more than you tell. However, there is one sentence that could use some fixing:
I look back at all these things and reminisce about the first musical I'veI ever seensaw , the first wedding I'veI ever attended, and the first time I'veI ever traveled to the United Kingdom.
Other than that, there's not a whole lot wrong with your essay.
I hope I was helpful.
Thanks everyone ^^
I added this to the end as a sort of conclusion but I'm not sure if it flows right.
I love seeing my collection grow and capture moments in time where I have experienced something new. As life goes on, I want to be able to look at my past and see that I've lived a memorable life.
I love seeing my collection grow and capturecapturing moments in time where I have experienced something new. As life goes on, I want to be able to look at my past and see that I'veI havelivedled a memorable life.
Overall a great essay! It provides insight on your personality and it seems very genuine. If you are keeping the last line (They serve as an encouragement for new "firsts" like attending my first concert, going on my first cruise, and leaving home for the first time on my own.), I might suggest to rephrase the end a bit so that it says something about college rather than just "leaving home for the first time on my own". Just an idea, hope I helped :)
