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"Home" - Boston University Transfer Application essay


ctbouzan 1 / 3  
Oct 11, 2018   #1

why Boston University?



Hey Y'all!

I'm currently in my first semester at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and I'm trying to transfer to Boston University. I was close to getting into BU last year when applying to colleges but sadly didn't make it.

This the first draft of my essay so any and all feedback is GREATLY appreciated. Thank you!!!
Also this is my first time posting on EssayForum (I actually just made the account after my friend showed me this website), so if I messed something up I apologize in advance...

Here's the topic:
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. (650 word maximum)

Last year, Boston University was my first choice because of its rich history invested deep into historical significance, it's value on diversity, and standards towards excellence in a higher education. While I came to the University of North Carolina at Greensboro with an open mind, I have come to realize that BU would better meet my academic needs. Studying at UNCG, I have had the privilege to study under astounding professors with a passion in their respective fields but what I'm seeking out of my education is larger than that. In writing this, I hope to accurately portray both my value on receiving a strong education and my love for BU.

My name is _______. I was born in Peabody, MA and later moved to Groton, MA before finally leaving New England to live in North Carolina. Ever since I was a child my parents and siblings always put Boston on a pedestal of what life was. Gandhi famously said, "you must be the change you wish to see in the world", for me, that's what Boston represents. Whether it be the Sons of Liberty or the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne, Boston has been that beacon for change. Boston University is no exception, my reason for transferring to BU is found right in the Universities mission and value statements, "committed to educating students to be reflective, resourceful individuals ready to live, adapt, and lead in an interconnected world". BU's importance on creating the leaders of tomorrow, pulls me in. At BU, I will have the opportunity to study my specific interests within my field of study, under professors with prestigious backgrounds who strive for greatness, much like myself. Professors such as Dr. David Glick and Dr. Liah Greenfeld will challenge me in my interests and provide me with a more in-depth education than my current professors at UNCG. Professors like Dr. Thomas Berger will help me to learn the International Relations and how the actions of one country affects another.

In one year from now I see myself getting involved with the many clubs and organizations that can be found at Splash. I see myself passionately studying for mid-terms before meeting up with some friends. I see myself practicing for my audition for the illustrious BU Jazz Big Band and Jazz Combo. I see myself looking at the possibility for a Directed Study or one of the various opportunities to Study Abroad. In one years' time, I see myself in a place I proudly call home.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,323 1847  
Oct 12, 2018   #2
Welcome to the forum Chris! You haven't violated anything so far so you can rest easy. You will be sent a notification if you violate anything by myself or the admin. Now, on to your essay review.

Unless your parents are legacy students from BU, it would be best not to mention that you were imbued to attend BU from childhood. That doesn't really carry any weight with the reviewer, unless, like I said, your parents are notable graduates of the institute. You don't have to reintroduce yourself int he second paragraph. You just have to continue the discussion from say, the Ghandi quote.

If I were writing this essay, I would do a comparative discussion order to help explain why UNCG has taken me as far as their academic excellence can go. What particular subjects do you wish to focus on that the other university has failed to offer or increase your knowledge about? Talk about the type of academic excellence you hope to receive at BU in relation to your academic goals.

Actually, your academic goals should be a main indicator of the reasons you have for transferring to the university. That would help to strengthen your presentation which, at the moment, sounds more like you are just name dropping to the reviewer instead of actually presenting acceptable and academic reasons for your transfer. The part about BU being a beacon for change is good. Relate that to the academic changes you hope to gain for your betterment as a future professional. How does BU help to support your professional goals? Why couldn't UNCG cut it in that aspect? These are all academic and professional considerations that could be a driving force that convinced you it is time to change universities.
OP ctbouzan 1 / 3  
Oct 12, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for everything! I'm taking your comments with me as I write this next draft.

Since I'm new here would it be annoying if I continuously posted multiple drafts? I don't want to annoy anyone on here, just trying to get the most feedback I can.

Again, thank you so much for everything. It truly means the world.
OP ctbouzan 1 / 3  
Oct 13, 2018   #4
Merged:

"Home" - Boston University Transfer essay [rewritten]



I recently posted my first draft of my Boston University Transfer essay. I've been working on it the majority of this week and I'm currently on my 4th or 5th draft.

I took all the comments on my last thread to heart and tried to fit their recommendations into this paper.

Again any and all feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you!!!

Heres the topic:
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. (650 word maximum)


Last year, Boston University was my first choice because of its rich and deeply woven historical significance, the opportunities available throughout, and the standards of academic excellence. While I attended the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, I have come to realize that BU would better suit my academic needs. Studying at UNCG, I have had the opportunity to study under marvelous professors, but I knew there was something more that I wanted to seek in my education. I'm looking for a university with an emphasis on social and academic exposure, emphasis on multi-dimensional research, and strong core values. Values such as achievement in academics, competition in results, and determination in excellence. In writing this, I hope to accurately portray both my desire to receive a strong education and my love for BU.

Ever since I was a child, my parents and siblings always put Boston on the forefront of education where scholarship, culture, and collaboration come to meet. Gandhi famously said, "you must be the change you wish to see in the world". For myself, that's what Boston represents. Whether it be the Sons of Liberty or the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne, Boston is a beacon for change. Boston University is the spark which will ignite a new pathway for my academic career. Found in BU's mission statement are the words "committed", "reflective", and "resourceful". At BU, these are more than just words, they're core values that represent its students and staff. BU will provide me with the next step in my education that will push me beyond what I could achieve at UNCG. I hope to benefit from the abundance of resources at hand which I could only dream about at UNCG. I can surround myself with committed staff members whose goal is to see their students achieve greatness, who can show me the error in my ways, and provide me with new and exciting opportunities on a daily basis. BU's importance on creating the leaders of tomorrow pulls me in. At BU, I will have the opportunity to study more specific interests within my field of study, under professors with prestigious backgrounds who strive for results with a high degree, much like myself. With professor Dr. David Glick, I want to learn the "ins and outs" for various political institutions and their driving forces. I want to learn the fundamentals of political economy and the passion which binds nationalism with Dr. Liah Greenfeld. Professors like Dr. Thomas Berger will help me to learn International Relations and how the actions of one country affects another. These are the opportunities unavailable at UNCG.

One year from now I see myself getting involved with the many clubs and organizations that can be found at Splash. I see myself engaged in the books at Mugar Library as I study for midterms. I see myself practicing for my audition for the esteemed BU Jazz Big Band and Jazz Combo. I see myself looking at the possibility of a Directed Study or one of the various opportunities to study abroad. In one year's time, I see myself in a place I proudly call home.


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