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My home, My community (Michigan Essay)


sanket_c 1 / 2  
Jan 31, 2013   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

"And I think to myself what a wonderful world..." these few words from the lyrics of a song by Louis Armstrong that come to my mind when I look at what man has come to achieve, when I look at everything around me. I am inspired by the machines, which surround me starting from a basic screwdriver. My passion for these beautiful machines is what motivates me to give back to the world and to create devices more spectacular and wondrous.

I come from a close-knit Indian family where any decision taken is first elaborately discussed and then decided upon. Whether I should go abroad was one such decision, the high tuition fee, the university I am going to be studying in and what kind of education I would receive. My father initially was hesitant with the idea of me studying abroad but soon he realised that I need more practical learning because of my inquisitive nature. My parents and grandparents have always taken this matter very seriously and supported me. They have given me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land even when they are terrified, so that I could receive great education.

It is because of this love, passion and enthusiasm for these awe-inspiring creations of many great men before me, and the support from my family that I want to become an engineer. From a simple pen to the most complex machine, life without these just don't seem to be possible and the eagerness to create more of these mind-boggling machines is the dream that keeps me awake at night.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 1, 2013   #2
"And I think to myself what a wonderful world..." these few words from the lyrics of a song by Louis Armstrong that come to my mind when I look at what man has come to achieve, when I look at everything around me.

... "what man has come to achieve" doesn't give me a clear idea as to why you included it... This is my suggestion;

"And I think to myself what a wonderful world..."; these words of Louis Armstrong's popular hit come to my mind every time when I look at everything around me.

I am inspired by the machines, which surround me starting from a basic screwdriver.

I am inspired by every machine that surrounds me, be it a basic screwdriver or a more complicated mmmmm (write a name of a complicated machine that you

interact with :) )

My passion for these beautiful machines is what motivates me to give back to the world and to create devices more spectacular and wondrous.

My passion for machines is what motivates me to create more spectacular and wondrous devices that would make a mark on the world.
OP sanket_c 1 / 2  
Feb 1, 2013   #3
Thank You Dumi but is this essay apt for the topic... I have written this but i am not sure about its appropriateness !!
werdaje 1 / 2  
Feb 1, 2013   #4
I agree with dumi!
Also, this sentence seems to me like it needs to be reorganized but dont know exactly how ...

"They have given me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land even when they are terrified , so that I could receive great education."

I think maybe something like:
They gave me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land so that I could receive a great education - even though they were terrified .

As for the answering part
Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
You talk about wanting to become an engineer and your family deciding if you should study abroad, yet I am not sure what community you were trying to say you belong.

Hope this helps!


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