Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


"my homeland of Afghanistan were denied any access" -page 87 of your autobiography


sj2012 1 / 2  
Oct 8, 2010   #1
Hi, I need this to be reviewed.. it is an essay question for VCU "page 87 of your autobiography". thanks!

Only a few years ago, women in my homeland of Afghanistan were denied any access to education or a meaningful role in society. Women and, to some extent, men, were barred from any meaningful education or professional pursuits. Girls were not allowed to continue any form of formal education beyond age 13. Boys could only study at the ultra-conservative and extremist madrasas. My family and I were fortunate enough to have left Afghanistan and avoided the brutal realities of daily life under the extremist regime. Nonetheless, living in Pakistan was no picnic, either.

We faced many challenges living in Pakistan, including a language and some cultural barriers. However, life there offered us something that we could not get back home: access to basic education. We worked hard, and we took advantage of whatever opportunities were available.

While I count myself as one of the lucky few who has had the privilege of migrating to the United States, starting life anew has not been easy.

First, there is the culture shock. America is a place where people enjoy freedoms unheard of in my homeland. It is also a much different environment as far as the culture and norms are concerned. It was especially difficult for me as the oldest child in the family to leave my family and live all by myself for the first time. And this was not just a few miles away from home, but thousands of miles away. We value our family greatly in my culture and visit one another pretty often. Social life in Afghanistan tends to be more intimate and families tend to have close relations with one another. Furthermore, it is quite untraditional for an Afghan woman to live by herself and away from her family in Afghanistan.

However, I believe living away from my family has made me stronger and given me opportunities as well as challenges to grow and succeed in ways impossible back home.

My experiences have helped me develop a certain level of interest and appreciation for education and yearn for a brighter future; however, it was very hard for me to find the way how to do it. I was not sure how to start the new life in the United States, how to pursue my career and educational goals. I didn't know anything about the culture and environment. However, I had the courage to start a new beginning with the strong feeling inside me to face all the realities of life and be firmed on my educational goals.

I was enrolled as a part time student in Northern Virginia Community College taking classes as well as looking for a job to survive in a country where I had no one to support me. After many months of struggle I was lucky enough to find a job as an administrative assistant in DC and started to enjoy the real life. I have been working full time and taking classes during the night as a full time student since August 2008. Since then I have faced many problems; I did not sleep for nights to study and get ready for exams and finish my assignments, however I have never given up in life, despite all the ups and downs. I always believe in myself and know that "I can do it."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 11, 2010   #2
and started to enjoy the real life.

What do you mean by "the real life?" That is interesting to me. Do you mean that in America you enjoyed freedoms that make life "real?"

I like this essay a lot. I hope you understand the corrections made by L. Chiang, but I also want to tell you that your way of writing is very good. In this modern world, people have very different styles of writing in English.

For example, this is good:
However, I had the courage to start a new beginning with the strong feeling inside me to face all the realities of life and be firmed on my educational goals.

But I might write it like this:
However, I had the courage to start a new beginning with the strong feeling desire inside me to face all the realities of life and become firm in my decision about educational goals to pursue.

Please just stay focused on your specific goals. That is what I think you should discuss some more in the essay... specific intentions for the future.
OP sj2012 1 / 2  
Oct 12, 2010   #3
Thank you guys!!!
OP sj2012 1 / 2  
Oct 12, 2010   #4
Kevin, by real life I mean life with challenges and to face all the ups and downs alone.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 14, 2010   #5
That might be a strong detail to include:

...and started to enjoy the real life (by "real life" I mean life with challenges and to face all the ups and downs alone).

I like the way you think!


Home / Undergraduate / "my homeland of Afghanistan were denied any access" -page 87 of your autobiography
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳