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"How being homeschooled has given me self-motivation" -UC prompt


arsenal123 3 / 5  
Nov 12, 2010   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Here is a rough draft of my personal statement. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Let me know if it is horrible and if I should scrap the whole thing.

Thanks

Albert Einstein said, "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." I feel Einstein and I have this common. I am not of course comparing my smarts to Einstein's genius, but only showing how important this trait can be. I can safely say that the reason for my success in my academic career is because of this quality that I possess. One of the main reasons I developed this type of attitude is because I was homeschooled.

I was homeschooled for all of my life up until the 11th grade when I started taking all my classes at my local community college. Before I started taking college classes, I thought that I wouldn't be as prepared as other students were because I had been in a totally different type of schooling environment throughout my life. However, as I soon found out, homeschooling couldn't have prepared me better for college classes, or any type of learning experience for that matter. This is because being homeschooling, in my case at least, required a great deal of self-motivation. My mother was my teacher up until 7th grade when she had to start working because of financial problems. Since my mother barely had time to help me anymore, I became my own teacher. Books were given to me, and I was expected to learn. In addition, since I was almost always alone at home, there was nobody to keep me from not doing my school work. Even though I enjoy school work, it took a lot of effort to restrain from watching TV or playing Xbox when it was sitting there, right behind me, beckoning my name with no one there to stop me. College is very similar to this. Professors expect you to do much of the work on your own, and there is no one there to baby you.

I firmly believe that no one is incapable of achieving or understanding something. This semester, I began tutoring at my community college. Whenever my tutees find out that I am still in high school, but tutoring college kids, they are surprised. They say that I am very smart, and that things must just come "naturally" to me. In addition, they say that math or chemistry, which are the subject I tutor, just are not their "thing," and that they will never be able to comprehend the material. I do have a knack for the math's and sciences, but a knack can only take you so far Things do not come completely naturally to anyone. Every genius is only a genius because he or she has worked hard, or took the time to think about a problem without asking questions whenever they got stuck. This is the kind of person I am. When I begin a problem, whether it is a math problem, or a regular everyday problem, I stick with it, and I do not give up easily.

lizziezhou 6 / 16  
Nov 12, 2010   #2
I'm curious about homeschooling cuz almost all my friends study in schools
Here's my suggestion. hope it helps.
I think while your topic is self-motivation, it seems that the essay sticks to two themes: self-motivation and working on problems. and I know you said "I developed this type of attitude is because I was homeschooled."it'll be better if the two parts be more connected

your last paragraph talks about your problem solving ability, I think you need to go back to your topic since that's the last part of the whole reading process and probably the last impression on reader's mind.
OP arsenal123 3 / 5  
Nov 12, 2010   #3
Thanks for the help lizziezhou.

Just a quick questions for everyone.

I keep reading places that it is bad to start an essay with a quote, but I don't see why. I feel like the quote I have adds to the essay. Will having a quote hurt my personal statement by default? Anyone have any input on my quotation or using quotations in general?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 23, 2010   #4
Now that you began with a theme of tenacity, I will look to see if it is continued throughout the essay...

Here is a place where you can omit the word "that"
I thought that I wouldn't be as ...

I was almost always alone at home---that sounds terrible!

College is very similar to this---good point!!

I firmly believe that no one is incapable of achieving or understanding something. ---when you write this, it makes me wonder why you are introducing a new theme... what does it have to do with that einstein intro...

Need a period:
... take you so far Things do not...

Every genius is only a genius because he or she has worked hard, or took the time to think about a problem without asking questions whenever they got stuck. This is the kind of person I am. ...I don't think this is good enough as your theme. You can add a new dimension to it and talk about what is important to you... what is so important to you that you work so hard? What are you preparing for?

:-)


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