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Honors UW essay. a curiosity worth satiating.


ryanclare 2 / 7  
Dec 23, 2009   #1
What do you wonder about, ponder, or wish you knew more about that isn't within your intended field of study?
Would you ever be willing to put everything else on hold to satisfy your curiosity?

300 words

A bead of sweat dripping down my face, my heart beating fast as glossy pages and neon colors surround me. A crazed look appears in my eyes as I take scissors in hand and begin collaging. Yes, it may seem like a high-risk hobby, but its one that allows me to express myself when nothing else can. I come from a family of artists and have always found joy in creating visual expressions of my intangible feelings.

Whether I have the time to hone my mechanical artistic skills or not I find that art is a part of my life. Each time my mom completes a painting she brings me into her studio to analyze the color, composition, and overall impression of the piece. Although I often sacrificed my desire to pursue more academic classes, my exposure to art allowed me to see the beauty of the world around me.

My Grandpa, however, never lost hope. Each birthday present always had a set of pastels or brushes so I could continue my practice of art. My Grandpa was fond of sketching me and my brothers and though he is gone, his images remain, preserving behind glass frames the meticulous effort and endless love he had for art. His simple brushstrokes could mean a lash of anger or a gentle admiration. Now adventures to museums seem more personal as I question what the painter or sculptor was feeling while working on a piece.

I have always had a dream to study art history, although my intended field of study is international relations. Each piece of art tells a story and it is an art historian's job to find it. To be immersed in a world of ambiguity in art would be a curiosity worth satiating.
Vulpix - / 71  
Dec 23, 2009   #2
You talk about what you ponder or wonder about (ooh, I wonder if that eye rhyme was intentional on the adcom's part?) successfully, but you fail to address the second part of the prompt in clear and definitive terms: "Would you ever be willing to put everything else on hold to satisfy your curiosity?" You sort of talk about this in your very last paragraph, but because I don't know if art history is your intended major or not, you don't really have a clear yes or no answer. You're nearing the limits of your word count, so you're going to have to cut a little in order to fit that in. I suggest eliminating the paragraph about your grandfather- it's a nice touch, but it's not particularly necessary to the rest of your essay.

"A bead of sweat dripping down my face, my heart beating fast as glossy pages and neon colors surround me."
I'm glad that you're fond of gerunds, but this sentence cannot function successfully without any active verbs. How about saying "A bead of sweat drips down my face. My heart beats faster as the gloss pages and neon colors surround me."?

"Whether I have the time to hone my mechanical artistic skills or not I find that art is a part of my life."

You need to insert a comma between "not" and "I" ("[...] artistic skills or not, I find that art [...]").


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