The prompt is: In an essay of approximately 300 words, let us know why you want to be a member of the University Honors Program.
I have about 386 words, any chopping/editing you want to help me do would be greatly appreciated. I'm kind of all on my own with this college app process. I'll definitely edit back for anyone.
In a graduating class of roughly 400, there are 14 IB Diploma Candidate seniors. There are 14 people who have the desire for an interdisciplinary approach to learning with the opportunity to work closely with each other, and their teachers. I am one of those 14, and the University Honors Program is the type of environment to which I am drawn.
I took IB for the challenge. As pedestrian as it may sound, I am on a perpetual quest for knowledge. Whether it was being enrolled in all of the "Gifted and Talented" classes in elementary school or taking a combined AP/IB schedule in high school, I have always wanted to learn more in a rigorous academic arena. It is this desire, and these special characteristics that have driven me to apply to the University Honors Program.
The University Honors Program offers a school within a school approach, something I am very much familiar with, given my IB education. This type of environment is the type in which I do my best work - where I have the ability to stand out, and collaborate but where I am forced to work hard and apply myself completely. I wish to be surrounded by others who feel the same way, individuals who are incredibly self-motivated, articulate, and disciplined; which I believe is found most exclusively in the Honors Program.
I am undeterred by the extensive work-load the Honors Program would bring. I have mastered the art of time management, completing my 4000 word Extended Essay well before the deadline, and will work to complete a task until it is completed superbly. The small class environment I would experience as part of the Honors Program would provide for me, the optimum educational collegiate experience and would allow me to not only thrive as a student but grow given the collaboration of experiences and intelligence that would surround me.
Calvin Coolidge once said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence...persistence and determination alone are omnipotent..." and with him I agree completely. I may not have the highest GPA, or the highest SAT but I can and will work incredibly hard and believe that the Honors Program at your university would provide me with an optimum learning community in which I would undoubtedly perform at, and perhaps above expected standards.
In a graduating class of roughly 400, there are 14 IB Diploma Candidate seniors. Thes e are 14 people who have the desire for an interdisciplinary approach to learn with the opportunity to work closely with each other[delete comma ] and their teachers. I am one of those 14, and the University Honors Program is the type of environment to which I am drawn.
I took IB for the challenge. As pedestrian as it may sound, I am on a perpetual quest for knowledge. It DOES sound "pedestrian" because anyone can just say that. Try to make it more personal; how do you feel when you are on this "quest for knowledge"? Does your heart start beating at the sight of a textbook? Do you feel like Odysseus on a path to enlightenment? Whether it was being enrolled in all of the "Gifted and Talented" classes in elementary school or taking a combined AP/IB schedule in high school, I have always wanted to learn more in a rigorous academic arena. You can take this part out and make it more personal It is this desire, and these special characteristics that have driven me to apply to the University Honors Program. This sentence is a bit repetitive because you already mentioned that you are drawn to the Honors Program in the last paragraph
The University Honors Program offers a school within a school approach, something I am very much familiar with, given my IB education. This type of environment is the type in which I do my best work - where I have the ability to stand out, and collaborate but where I am forced to work hard and apply myself completely. I wish to be surrounded by others who feel the same way, individuals who are incredibly self-motivated, articulate, and disciplined; which I believe is found most exclusively in the Honors Program. Ouch. to all the non honors programs
I am undeterred by the extensive work-load the Honors Program would bring. Why?How? I have mastered the art of time management, completing my 4000 word Extended Essay well before the deadline, and will work to complete a task until perfection . The small class environment I would experience as part of the Honors Program would provide for me[delete comma] the optimum educational collegiate experience and would allow me to not only thrive as a student but grow given the collaboration of experiences and intelligence that would surround me.
Calvin Coolidge once said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence...persistence and determination alone are omnipotent..." and with him I agree completely. I may not have the highest GPA [delete comma] or the highest SAT[comma] but I can and will work incredibly hard and believe that the Honors Program at your university would provide me with an optimum learning community in which I would undoubtedly perform at, and perhaps above expected standards.
Not a bad essay. I think it would be better and more believable if you can make it more personal.
I took IB for the challenge. As pedestrian as it may sound, I am on a perpetual quest for knowledge. Whether it was being enrolled in all of the "Gifted and Talented" classes in elementary school or taking a combined AP/IB schedule in high school, I have always wanted to learn more in a rigorous academic arena. It is this desire, and these special characteristics that have driven me to apply to the University Honors Program.
- Throughout my whole life I have opted to take challening classes- from "Gifted and Talented" to AP/IB- and as pedestrian as it may sound, my desire for a more rigorous academic arena has led me to continue the perpetual quest for knowledge. It is this desire that has driven me to apply to the University Honors Program. (Maybe something along those lines? Cuts back about 20 words, tried not to change the meaning too much.)
-Also, look for little things like instead of saying "very much familiar with" just "very familiar with"; "This type of environment is the type in which I do my best work" to "This is the environment in which I work best"
"Calvin Coolidge once said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence...persistence and determination alone are omnipotent..." and with him I agree completely . I may not have the highest GPA, or the highest SAT GRADES but I can and will work incredibly hard and believe that the Honors Program at your university would provide me with an optimum learning community in which I would undoubtedly perform at, and perhaps above expected standard"
-I would consider editing out the part about you not having the highest grades altogether.. Do you want to draw attention to that?
-Check for repetition; it seemed there were some points you put a lot of emphasis on that maybe you don't need. Just say something once, one way, and they'll get the point.
Hope this helps!
Thank - you very much.
My question is though, do you think the topic really requires being more personal, or does it really just want me to express my interest?
being more personal doesn't necessary contradict with expressing your interest. I think the essay is a little bit general; you are using a lot of details, but make the essay look like a population census report
/\ Agreed
