Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest. (MAXIMUM 500 WORDS)
Letters and words have never been my strongest allies. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading novels, poems and news articles. Nonetheless, I am occasionally unable to understand those camouflaged symbols that seem to hide themselves maliciously in the subtext.
Paint and brushes are also a nightmare. They have haunted me ever since my classmates looked at my drawing of an alien starship and confused it for a tree. They thought that the futuristic ray of light being emitted from its subjacent (or underlying?) surface was a mere tree trunk. Since then, I've only trusted myself with stick figures.
The truth is, though, that despite my difficulty understanding the encoded language of literature or drawing anything that involves skills other than ruler-using, I find Art bewitching because of its ability to see the nonexistent and its capacity to be limitless. Art attracts me precisely because it is random and unpredictable; it is always a surprise.
On the other hand, I have constantly excelled in my math and science classes: I've aced tests, solved challenging math puzzles, built amphibious RC cars for science fairs and even tutored high school students in calculus, chemistry and physics. Logic and reasoning have become an addiction for me, and in my thirst for rational knowledge I gobble up information from textbooks and websites while attentively listening to my father's explanation on the classic question of why the sky is blue. However, the reason I've chosen engineering is because it allows me access to artistic fulfillment as well. Engineering is all-encompassing, incorporating vision, design and execution. The engineer participates in all processes of creation - from the idea, to the plan, to the solidification - and, like a blacksmith, forges Science and Art into a single apparatus, setting off to change the world.
I believe that Cornell University can provide me with the appropriate tools and guidance to weld these two contrasting forces together. Initiatives such as Student Project Teams are aspects that have made me choose Cornell because participants blend their creative skills with their scientific knowledge to solve problems of the real world. By participating in the CUAUV team, for instance, I would use my understanding of science to come up with creative solutions when building an underwater vehicle. Even more rewarding is using this invention to assist environmental efforts in the Cayuga Lake. Also, I know I will succeed in exploring Science and Art through the Co-op Program where undergraduates are motivated to apply their expertise to the practical sphere. The school's support of undergraduate research - with students teaming up with faculty in many projects - as well as its Elysian campus has made me believe Cornell is just what I've been looking for.
Mixing numbers together with letters and paint, I hope to one day become a whole-brained engineer who sees the world as a blank piece of paper. After all, an engineer must first come up with an artistic idea before cutting, folding and shaping the world.
Any comments are welcome :)
Change the last sentence it does not go with the rest of your essay.
..wow..that was fantastic! (something I rarely say about an essay).
The extended metaphor is superb, and your use of imagery is great!
A few things:
- The prompt is 2 fold: 1. why you love engineering & 2. why cornell
You spend about 75% on the first part. It's perfectly fine, I was just wondering if you could add a little more substance to why you want to go to Cornell. The biggest reason (and I would say the only specific one) you give is the Co-Op program, and you spent only 1 sentence on it. I would delve deeper into "Why Cornell" because if you absolutely love engineering like your essay clearly shows, an adcom might feel you would be content at ANY engineering program- your reasons for why you are entrusting Cornell with your "love" are a little weak. Make it a little more compelling for the last paragraph :)
Also.
I am in love with Praxis because she is powerful, capable of controlling the forces of nature to her benefit. She solidifies the thought and converts all of its potential into reality.
Hence, I wish to become an Engineer. Through the combination of my love for Idea and for Praxis, I hope to envision, to design and to execute. I want to become the bridge between science and art, linking two opposite worlds that were meant to be connected. I want God to give me the world and say: "Go ahead; you can play with it now. Pretend that it is a blank piece of paper."'
The gap between the paragraphs is a bit abrupt. It goes from the abstract into a concrete vocation. I would put "Hence I wish to become an engineer" towards the end, because the sentences you write after it are still abstract-ish.
You could add something cool about how, as an engineer, you can fuse together the two loves :)
Engineers are not men of a single love. Instead, their souls are divided into two equal halves, each safeguarded by a mistress
I mean, I personally don't care that you're speaking from the male point of view. I'm just wondering about the implications of it. Would your essay hold true for female engineers? I don't think its that big of a deal, it just struck me because you're making an assertion about engineers that isn't always true.
I hope my comments help, and best of luck! Maybe I'll see you at Cornell (I'm applying for ILR)
Christine Yu,
Thank-you so much for your input. When I showed my teacher this essay, she had the same worry regarding the whole gender issue. Since you brought that up as well, I guess I'll try to change it a bit to make sure it is not a macho essay, hahaha!
I'll post my new essay in a sec and if you could, I would be very pleased you gave me more insights.
Thanks,
Raphael Portela Chalhub
Hey!
I made some changes, kinda shortened the extended metaphor and added some more to why Cornell. Any harsh comments and criticism is very welcome! Thanks
Please spend some time reading other people's essays and give them your ideas and impressions as feedback.
The first criticism I think of is that this is sexist. It asociates the role of an engineer with a male, and even though your intentions are not to be oppresive to women in your presentation, it is still important to work against society's tendency to assign science and leadership roles to men.
The narcotic perfume that exhales emanates from her skin plagues...
Well, you write very eloquently, for sure. I guess you could introduce the notion of idea and praxis at the starty, and then describe them, but I think it is good to find ways to be more gender inclusive.
Also, I rteally think they prefer for you to give an idea for engineering something; I think they juist gfave the option to write about your interest in engineering (without expressing idea) in order to include people who have no good idea... but you really should expres a good enginering idea.
:-)
Hey! I would immensely grateful if you could read my essay and offer suggestions. Be as harsh as you wish, make me cry! If you guys also want me to check your essays, I will. Thanks :)
Hey!
Could anyone please take a look at my essay? I'm really desperate for some help :(
If you want me to take a look at your essay I definitely will :) Just leave me the link! Thanks a lot
I'm not sure if 'capacity to be limitless' means anything. If you mean 'limitless capacity to interpret' say that; if other, rephrase.
Otherwwise, this is an excellent essay, with a real grip of who you are, and what your strengths are. It is especially good with its treatment of your faults and weaknesses. The only recommendations I can add are to be a little clearer with your problem with text - do you mean you find subtexts in literature hard to identify. Also, perhaps try to arrest your audience more immediately - the only real fault is that you do not grab your audience's attention fast enough. But that is only a very minor fault.
If you have time, I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look at my CommonApp essay.
Hey Raphael
The essay looks very scholastic and proper...
As for Roraig's feedback... I think the third paragraph is the only superfluous part...and only the third para has the capacity to lose the audience!
If you can...then shorten the third para a bit...rather than boasting about your accomplishments...add a few more points for why Cornell!!
I'd like to restate...that I liked your essay very much!!
Oh and if you are free could you check my revised version for Yale supplement essay!?!?
This is really good!
Only one thing, try to come uo with a better last sentece because the one you have is not bad, but it could be better and give your essay the quality of perfect!
Also, I agree with RHDFinney, 'capacity to be limitless' sounds awkward!
Overall it is a good job!
Good look! :)
