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"hope you like having fun" -a note to future roommate -- Stanford supplemental essay


JJlu 5 / 9  
Oct 16, 2010   #1
Hey!

My common app essay and 2 other supplemental essays deal with serious topics, and here I try to be light-hearted. Comments/suggestion/critiques are welcome.

Topic: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (250 words or less)


Dear Roommate,

I would like to apologize in advance, because I know that it will take me a while to remember your name. Not that I dislike you; I'm just better with faces than names.

My name is [Fill in my name], but you can call me whatever you'd like until I get your name down. I love running, especially in the mornings around five when the weather is cool. I have to wake up early, because in Phoenix, waking at seven could mean running in near-hundred-degree weather. Of course, at Stanford, I could run any time of the day, so you needn't worry about me waking you up.

Speaking of the weather, I reserve the right to laugh if you think temperatures under 100 degrees are hot. After years in Phoenix, I've come to think of heat more as an inconvenience than a discomfort. But I also bestow you the right to laugh at me when I complain that 65 degrees is cold.

Other than that, I like calculus or physicist jokes. I drink lots of water for my running. I incessantly have to go to the bathroom (surprise there). I've developed immunity to caffeine from many late nights studying. I write more than I talk, although the balance is starting to swing in the other direction. I draw lots of aliens, though they're supposed to be humans. I get along with almost anyone, and I really look forward to meeting you.

I hope you like having fun.
freezard7734 17 / 209  
Oct 16, 2010   #2
This is very interesting. Some suggestions:

My name is [Fill in my name], but you can call me whatever you'd like until I get your name down.

What do you mean here? What does your not getting his name down have to do with his calling you whatever he wants?

I have to wake up early, because in Phoenix, waking at seven could mean running in near-hundred-degree weather.

"I used to wake up early because, in Phoenix, seven in the morning meant running in near-hundred-degree weather."

I feel that the first sentence in the second paragraph belongs in the first paragraph, where you talk about names. You can start off the second paragraph with "I love running..."

Other than that, I like calculus or physicist jokes.

Like which ones? It would make your essay stronger if you included a small example.

Other than that, I like calculus or physicist jokes. I drink lots of water for my running. I incessantly have to go to the bathroom (surprise there). I've developed immunity to caffeine from many late nights studying. I write more than I talk, although the balance is starting to swing in the other direction. I draw lots of aliens, though they're supposed to be humans. I get along with almost anyone, and I really look forward to meeting you.

You go through a lot of things here. Others may disagree, but in my opinion, I think you should focus on one thing in this paragraph. Maybe you can talk about your physics jokes, or maybe you can elaborate on your "alien" drawings of humans :) To me, focusing on one thing at a time makes an essay more fluid and easier to read.

If you don't mind, could you take a look at mine?
iceui2 - / 70  
Oct 17, 2010   #3
Ask yourself this question: Is this essay better than the 93% of the other roommate essays? The answer is no: Anyone can write this.

Write about something that noone else can - that is the only way to stand out. That does not include running, the weather, studying, drawing, etc etc etc.

Just for an example, one Stanford student write about how everything in her room is green, and how that represents her personality. That is definitely more interesting than saying: "I like calculus or physicist jokes". You don't want to seem shallow here. Good luck.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 19, 2010   #4
This is cute: but you can call me whatever you'd like until I get your name down.

Well, I hesitate to suggest changes, because every sentence is interesting and cool. I would not want to mess with your artful self expression. But strategically, since you can write so well, I think it would be great to replace some of the content about the whether with content about your motivation to make a specific difference in your chosen field and your intellectual interests, etc. Even though you are introducing yourself in general, this is a college essay so you are really introducing yourself as an academic.


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