It is a little bit long, but I expect you will be interesed in my essay, it contains background of the USA history, as I am an international student, this choice would be interesting ;)
I need your comments, because my writing skills are not good,
Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay
"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." ( . . .)
Nikos Kazantzakis
Liberty is one of sociological term which is used to describe one's acting capacity and its interval. We should insist on the topic that we should know with all details because this seeing insignificant or unnecessary factor would be the most important element of the liberty, thence of our lives. Therefore we may probably start with the analysis of the following fact: what is capacity and for who or what it depends on?
While humans are evaluating and enhancing their intellect and capacity, the world becomes more crucial to live because the fraudulency increases in the same time. In recent history, we can clearly see wars whose causes are not just sociopolitical but also financial profits of big companies. Before the World War I, American People did not want to participate to the war. It is said that the participation of the USA to the WWI is organized by some international bankers such as Rockefeller, Rothschild, and Bernard Baruch etc. for their profits. A great propaganda is realized to create ambience and anger among American people. This situation is denoted by a Secretary of State William Jennings with the following words: "The large banking interests were deeply interested in the world war because of the wide opportunities for large profits." It can be understandable that they wanted war regardless American peoples' lives, feelings and countries' values, because war brings more depths to the country from Federal Reserve Bank at high interests. In a documented conversation between Colonel Edward House (Woodrow Wilson's top advisor and mentor who has good connections with the bankers) and Sir Edward Grey (Foreign Secretary of England) regarding how to get America into the war and Sir Grey inquired: "What will Americans do if Germans sink an ocean liner with American passengers on board." and Colonel House responded: "I believe that a flame of indignation would sweep the United States and that by itself would be sufficient to carry us into war.". On May 7 1915, a ship called Lusitania was delicately sent in the German controlled waters, and as expected, German U- Boats torpedoed the ship and 1200 passengers were killed. This fact caused significance anger and passion among the Americans and the USA entered to the war. The WWI costs 323,000 American deaths, J.D. Rockefeller's profit was 200 millions dollars (approximately 2.7 billions dollars). Just for this example, we can understand the power and invisibility of outside forces which controls the world, and decides what we should do. So it takes our liberties. As a result, history leads us to understand and make a good decision in the future and we can understand that citizens are limited to live in the scope of the ideas and profits of dominant companies or persons in the society and this is our real capacity.
After a Turkish story reviewer said "Give me new style of stories, I spent all of them", he is alienated by the literary world because he wanted so much and they do not want stories to be different from stereotyped rules of story writing. Therefore, he can reach a chance to get do whatever he want to write about stories because no one cares about him, he was labeled as crazy and was banned. By this time, he reaches absolute freedom and does not expect anything and do not fear from anyone.
As I was watching the documentary "Zeitgeist", I started to interrogate the meaning of liberty and tried to relate Kazantzakis's quotation with the statue of citizens in the war. I understand that a common people have less capacity than banned one by society because by this fact the others let him to live whatever he wants. By the other way, life styles of general citizens are always under control of outside forces and they can never resist to the desires of the real patrons of the society. Consequently my point of view on life became more inquisitorial and suspicious; I read more history books and try to look from other side that people fear to think about. Therefore I would be able to resist being a guinea pig of external forces and to become free.
Its a good essay, but I kinda struggled to finish it. Not because it's difficult to read, but because it started off interesting and just kinda started to become bleak at the end.
I think you should try to inject a little more of your personality into it.
The essay serves to major functions in the college process:
1) it shows the admission people who you are, because they see your grades, they'll see your smart, they'll see your extracurricular and your work and clubs and all that. but the essay shows your personality and your dedication.
2) To see how well you write. if your organize and your essay is though through and well done. The essay shows your possible talent in college. and your organization skills.
So my advice:
1) I think you should try to inject a little more of your personality into it.
2) there are some small tings here and there with grammer. but thats easily fixxed.
3) maybe make it a little short, it might be longer then what most colleges want.
Good luck!!!!!
Liberty is one of a sociological term which is used to describe one's acting capacity and its interval.----> I am quite smart, but I don't know what this means. That indicates that it might be unclear!! :-)
Therefore we may probably start with the analysis of the following fact: what is capacity and for who or what it depends on?---> capacity for what?
Keep that verb tense consistent:
After a Turkish story reviewer said "Give me new style of stories, I spent all of them", he was alienated by the...
I don't understand all of this essay! I hope you can explain it so that I understand. and use good topic sentences to spell out the meaning for people like me, who do not understand.
