I would love it if someone could read over my essay and edit or give me some suggestions. Please and thank you. By the way, my essay is a little short so ideas on how to lengthen any paragraph other than the third one would be greatly appreciated. It is a 5 paragraph essay and this is pretty much what i need: Intro, Body 1- background, Body 2- interests and activities, Body 3- short/long term goals, conclusion.
All About Me (draft)
Nobody knows me better than myself, yet I am still unsure at times. Things can get complicated in life. But I do know the simple facts of my life. I know who I am, I know what my name is, I know where I'm from, I know my hobbies, and I know my family. And soon enough you will probably know too.
My full name is **********. My parents disagreed on what to name me. My dad, ****, wanted to name me ****, and my mom, **, wanted to name me ****. But then there was my brother, *****, who took my mom's side and the majority ruled. I don't think there was a specific reason for why they liked the name *****; I believe they just thought the name sounded pretty. I was born in ***** but my family moved ***** before I even turned 1 year old. I lived there all my life until my dad got a contract and I moved from **** to **** the summer of **. So I haven't lived in a lot of places.
What I do have a lot of is obsessions. I absolutely love the Harry Potter series. The movies are just amazing and the books are even better. At times I wish I could just jump into the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and attend school there. It would be the coolest thing ever to have a wand and magic powers. Snowboarding is also amazing. When you're shredding down the slope with chilly wind hitting your face and the sun shining on every part of your fabric covered body, the feeling of freedom takes over your thoughts. The world seems to be smiling with you as you make your way to the lift for another trip. No one will ask me what my favorite hobbies are without getting snowboarding for an answer. Also, I think the Bourne Trilogy is epic! After I watched the first movie, I had to follow up with both of the other movies
on the same night. Matt Damon's character was very impressive. The way he was aware of himself and everything around him was astonishing.
In the future, I am hoping to astonish many people. I am not sure what I want to do or be, but I do know I want to go to a good university and get a good job. I'm hoping on making a difference in the world in any way I can, small or big, and to do something for the greater good. But for now I will just have to settle with good grades. I am hoping to make all A's this year so I can say I got all A's throughout junior high.
I would say I know myself pretty well in a simple sense. I do my best on most of the things I do. I hope the past will bring good fortune to people like me, and that Harry Potter will become reality.
I need about an extra 10 lines. Thank you.
Your conclusion left me really lost. What do you mean by these sentences, especially the last one.
I would say I know myself pretty well in a simple sense. I do my best on most of the things I do. I hope the past will bring good fortune to people like me, and that Harry Potter will become reality.
From you essay, I learnt more about your likes and dislikes (Harry Potter, snowboarding,
Bourne Trilogy, Matt D) than about YOU as a person. What is your meaning of life and your self-concept; what is your most significant experience, your strengths and weaknesses? BTW - is this essay for college?
If you want to talk about the name, make it a theme for the essay. What is the underlying truth that made you have this name issue? It is a cool anecdote, but you have to be introducing the theme for the whole essay.
Similarly, you can make a theme out of the concept of living in a few different places... but the important thing to do is just make sure it has some kind of theme that connects all the topics together.
The difference between an essay and a list of facts is that an essay is all about one overarching idea.
This has some great content, so glue it all together with a theme expressed in the LAST sentence of the first paragraph. That is the secret.
