lol. I just finished this and really want to just finally submit everything! Please comment on grammar and especially on the actual wording, and what sentences seem superfluous and such. THANKS.
As a junior in high School, I lacked the fiery passion my peers kept roaring for specific universities. It seems as if they were certain of the college they would attend since exiting the womb into the gargantuan world of myriad opportunities. Whether it is a parent's alma mater or a dream university printed horizontally across a worn and shabby sweatshirt, I was riddled with uncertainties as to where I should spend my years of studying, making connections, and preparing for my career.
The change came the moment I stepped out of the car and onto the grounds of Boston University. I was won over instantly. Soon I found myself searching for every tidbit of information obtainable about this majestic school, trying to make sure it was the right school for me before I gave BU my heart completely. Are we compatible? Do we have the same interests, the same principles?
Boston University and I, as I am delighted to assert, have much in common. The diversity found on the grounds of BU is immense, as you hear different languages spoken all around you. The diversity exists not only culturally, but also in interests as hundreds of clubs and organizations beckons to the prospective students eagerly absorbing the intricate details of the campus. While attending Boston University, I would enjoy the luxury of partaking and thriving in any activity I wish, most importantly theatre and community service. I would love to be able to contribute to FYSOP, particularly in homelessness, human rights, and hunger.
Most importantly, Boston University provides undergraduates with the option of specializing in neuroscience while majoring in biology. I hope to seek the assistance of Dr. Glen Zamansky for counseling on how to obtain my career goals and how I can best prepare myself for medical school.
Strolling along Commonwealth Avenue, listening to the sounds of WTBU, and commuting on the BUS; I cannot fathom anything more enjoyable.
it was great
i dont think you should change anything
Actually, rereading the essay I now think you should change your word choice. Your language seems too flowery at places. Especially when you use gargantuan and myriad in the same sentence. Using "womb" also sounds...unappealing.
"Soon I found myself searching for every tidbit of information obtainable about this majestic school, trying to make sure it was the right school for me before I gave BU my heart completely." - using "heart completley" is a little...much
Good job at citing a specific professor though.
As a junior in high School, I lacked the fiery passion my peers for specific universities.
This all changed the moment I stepped out of the car and onto the grounds of Boston University.
The diversity exists not only culturally, but also in interests as hundreds of clubs and organizations beckon to the prospective students eagerly absorbing the intricate details of the campus.
While attending Boston University, I would enjoy the luxury of partaking of, and thriving in any activity I wish, most importantly theater and community service.
I think this is great, you seemed to cover everything, but I think it could use a conclusion sentence, one that sort of sums up the whole essay.
Good luck in school!!:)
it seems like you need a little more personal aspect to exactly why u love BU
ur examples seems vague and not particularly attention catching
good luck
