Hopes and Dreams...
Above my bed hangs a framed certificate, "1st position in National Essay-Writing Competition". The certificate is of my father's, which he received in Grade 9. In my study room, I see his amazing collection of literary books. None of the greetings with relatives passed by without them praising my father, and they had every right to do so.
I look at my father. Well, actually I don't. I can only look at his photo. Why? Because he is not here! Where is he? Working rigorously in a foreign land to support a family of five. If he is as talented as they said, why is he working away? Didn't he want to be doing something else? What about his dreams? Maybe he wanted to be a writer or a scholar. I was curious to know but too afraid to ask. One day, I mustered up my courage and asked my mother about it. She said, "Your father was a very talented person, but he lived in a rural area struggling with poverty .So, he, with his older brother, ran away from home to the capital city in search of a better life. But, between studying and supporting the family, it was difficult. So, he went abroad and toiled".
I didn't expect such an answer from her. Frankly, I can hardly recall my memories with my father, but upon hearing the sacrifices he made for me and my family, my love and respect for him grew even more.
Like my father's, the fate of countless others has been the same. As I walk the streets of Kathmandu, I see people selling goods and commodities on the footpath. They fight among each other for space to place their goods, tiny space, but important. Their eyes glisten with hope of bringing home enough money for the day. They struggle every day. I wonder what dreams they have. Maybe they dream of becoming scientist, pilot, or artists. Maybe some of them dream of passing a day without much hardship, and I believe a lot of them dream of their kids not suffering similar fate. I see kids younger than me working as conductors on the buses. I am aware of some of the brilliant minds that our country has produced. But what about all these people and kids? Maybe they have the capacity to be brilliant. Maybe we have the next Stephen Hawking, Mark Zuckerberg, or Picasso among us. But alas, we may never know!
I have lived my entire life reading in schools where dreams were crushed in favour of a new one which basically focused in earning money to support one's family. The way students were leaded in this contemporary society just gave me the nostalgic vibe that sums my father's life. Decades later, and I find it unacceptable that my society hasn't still figured out a way to even provide a platform to succeed. So, my goal is to help people like my father whose dreams are being crumbled, whose passion were put on hold. How I hope to help people fulfill their dreams is by succeeding as an entrepreneur, blending my love for technology and a deep interest in economics to not just create jobs but also help utilize resources effectively, save time, expand industries, and increase national income, which will stimulate the economic growth of the country. Further, I can invest in sectors of education, industry, transportation etc.
I realize that my goals are big. But for every big problem, we have to start small. Small, but effective. All it takes is one spark to light a fire. I want my works to inspire others to take a similar path, help the country in every way possible. So hereby, I embark upon a journey to the states with a hope of receiving education and experience to return to my home and complete my task.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Gyanas, you are aiming too high with your prompt. You are dealing with a problem that is not resolvable on an individual or personal level. That is why your response to the solution part is so generic and lacking in direction that it affected your overall essay. While I understand how you wish to impress the reviewer by choosing such a large problem, which has a personal connection to you, the method of solving that problem is not something you can undertake alone. The essay is actually testing your problem solving skills on a lower level than you are portraying here. Aim for a more solvable problem or a personal problem that you were able to solve.
Don't take on a government sized problem and then try to grasp at straws or be unable to present possible solutions that you know you cannot implement.This is not about sparking a flame in others, this is about your ability to analyze and deal with problems that could hinder you in some way. That is where the personal aspect of the essay comes in.
Again, this is a problem solving task essay. So lower your standards and show the reviewer that you are capable of solving certain personal problems that come your way. It is not the magnitude of the problem that will impress the reviewer. He will be impressed by the method that you opted to solve or hope to solve the moderately sized problem.
