Tell about the environment you grew up in and how it has shaped you .
Please edit , comment whatever help you can. I have only a few days to the deadline.
Junior- a student in grade 7,8 or 9
Nightcap- Light snacks taken just before bed.
Staring into dark, too tired to move myself into a more comfortable position ...
5.30am
Ding! Bang! Ring! I am not sure which sound was the loudest or which exact sound woke me up .All I am sure of is the rush afterwards to secure a spot in the bathroom and the punishment for oversleeping. Conscious of this, I sluggishly got up from bed and made it to the bathroom. Luckily a friend had already saved me a bathing spot.
I had served punishment the night before till 1.00 am. The dorm captain-a senior had punished the whole room for not reporting to her earlier the morning before. I was beat!
As a junior, I dreaded mornings. It was always the most strenuous part of the day. On a regular day, I bustled through the long line of seniors to get a bathroom spot, rushed through my morning duties-occasionally other senior's duties as well and struggled to be in time for the breakfast call. All before 7am.
After school hours, the struggle continued. I had to make it in time for the lunch call, eat lunch fast enough in time for the siesta call, then dinner and fit laundry in between. It was still my first week in boarding school. I was a junior and by virtue of hierarchy at the bottom of the chain on everything even nightcap. Sometimes, nightcap finished even before I got to the front of the line.
I learnt fast and hard that time was crucial. Time did not belong to me. It belonged to the hostel routine. We were always running for something or from something in hostel. I never wanted to be found wanting in any situation so I tried my best to balance things.
I loved being in boarding school. Although there was high discipline and plenty restrictions, I enjoyed the thrill especially as a junior.
As time went on, I climbed the hierarchy ladder and life became more comfortable. I enjoyed each stage and appreciated the level of organisation the hostel bodied. In each level of hierarchy there was something to be learned; time management, independence, communalism, leadership and tolerance. Hostel life also taught me respect.
The communal life and the sort of hierarchy the existed created an enthusiastic environment. Juniors were eager to climb up the ladder and become seniors and seniors took pride in their responsibility of control. Everybody played a part in the community. The goal was the same to keep the hostel clean, and comfortable.
I believe a great deal of who I have become is as a result of life in my hostel.
i think u should scratch the first sentence and last 2 sentences! first because i really dont understand how u were staring in the dark if u were asleep. delete the last because they are a bit mundane and a bit unnecessary
um i thinki ur essay is pretty storng. i went to boarding school as well so i definitely know what you are talking about
you do need to tighten the essay and remove the unnecesssary words and stuff, like a senior(dorm captain) and earlier the morning before sounds a bit clumsy
i noticedd a few grammatical errors like in: I was a junior and by virtue of hierarchy at the bottom of the chain on everything even nightcap. i think u could say at the bottom of every single chain and food was no exception. or something like that cause nightcap isnt a chain, its a meal.
Sometimes, nightcap finished even before I got to the front of the line. it would be stronger if u said at the middle of the line cause it'd be more dramatic
i think you should elaborate on why you enjoyed your time as a junior despite all the circumstances that came along with it.
honestly i feel like you just need to tighten up your prose, re-read with a critical eye and focus on the little details
pls can u also edit mine? :d
Hey! I have spent five years of my life in a boarding school too, and I know exactly what life out there is all about.
I agree with Shakirat; you have drawn all the focus to your school's routine and mannerisms, and not enough on "how it has shaped you". Try intertwining both aspects and write it more dramatically (not pretentiously, just more strategically). Also, I think you should remove the word "communalism" from your essay because it can be misunderstood, as communalism also means allegiance to one's own ethnic group rather than to the wider society, which can make a reader perceive you as antisocial and maybe even intolerant of other ethnic groups.
Nice honest essay though. With some touch-ups here and there, you would be good to go :)
Take a look at mine? :)
