APPRECIATE ANY HELP!!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
Although I typically do not shy away from social events, I still found it quite terrifying to host a ceremony in a nonnative language for a thousand guests of my own age. As I sat in the preparation room for the closing evening of a cultural exchange camp for youngsters from China and Japan, my stomach fluttered with anxiety. How embarrassing would it be if the guests did not understand my rehearsed jokes? What if the audience simply did not want an English hostess and decided to yawn while I speak? My heart beat so hard that I could feel the thumping at my finger tips. Amidst my panic, I told myself "No." I would not let the anxiety take over without a fight; I had to find something that would ease and distract me from the tension. Without knowing it, I started to whistle.
Something incredible suddenly happened. I felt as if my body was freed from a stiff posture and my mind processed a clearer awareness of my dilemma and how I should handle the stress. It seemed as if a breath of refreshing breeze blown away all my apprehension, restoring my confidence in my performance and melting away the awkward silence that filled the preparation room. When my co-host from Japan discovered that it was me whistling, she smiled with surprise and began singing along with me in Japanese, filling the room with a comforting melody.
I was fascinated by how such a trivial action could bring about such powerful impact. I pondered and reflected. Maybe something insignificant in particular cases is actually very significant in others. As long as I remain persistent in pursing my interests and seizing all opportunities in life -- even the minor ones -- there will always be something significant that occurs. After discovering that I could whistle accidently when I was a child, I began to whistle all the time: television music, pop songs, and sometimes even my favorite pieces of Mozart. I practiced whistling whenever I had a chance, but never imagined that it would one day influence me in such a way.
I suddenly remembered how I had read on and watched BBC documentaries about black holes and supernovas in the few hours I spared from my schedule, and how I had studied advanced physics on my own since the course was no longer offered for humanity students like me. I remembered clearer how glad I was when the observatory at my school was finished I became the supervising teacher's assistant because I was the one who had the amplest knowledge in Astronomy. I started to believe that people who live perceptively, not in a calculating way but in an earnest, sincere way, would definitely get rewarded some day.
My teacher knocked on the door, breaking my train of thought. "It's time, Hostesses, ready?" At that moment, I felt a wave of adrenaline rush through my body. Unlike before, it was not a torrent of anxiety or uneasiness, but an exciting rush of confidence and enthusiasm. "Yes. I am ready."
Delete the I told myself "No" in the sentence: Amidst my panic, I told myself "No." I would not let the anxiety take over without a fight;
Sounds better with just amidst my panic I would not let...
U wrote pursing my interest..
I think the ending is a little unclear and the pharagraph about you whisteling all the time, is not that interesting, I would probably take that out, or if important to the story make it smaller and put in something else..
I Don't mean to sound mean, just want to be honest as deadline is close :)
Hope you will take a look at mine as well and give me you honest opinion?
thxs a lot. will try my best to return your favor~
Oh and beginning is great, you just need to make the middle part a pit more interesting and make the message clear without confussions..
o'course i will and thx u for advice...am really nervous about it...
Don't be nervous about it, it has great potential! Where are you applying?
THXXD~Dream Duke,,it's due today + + wish both of us luck~~
Hi Bo,
Thanks for your help on mine:P
It's a very interesting essay. So far I didn't find any grammar mistakes, and its definitely ready to go:P
It flows much better than your first one. Didn't find any grammar mistakes. :)
