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Hough Graduate School of Business - admission essay

princessbelle79 1 / -  
Jul 24, 2009   #1
How will your individual background, experiences and personal identity influence your educational pursuits and your contributions to the campus community at the University of Florida?

College Admissions Essay

Throughout my life, I have been taught that focus, hard work, and endurance are standards that you should live by. I apply that to almost everything I do, for example, schoolwork, family relationships, sports and a lot more. Despite applying it to everything, I mostly apply it toward my future.

My mother came from a middle class family that instilled good work ethics on her. They taught her that the only success you are going to have is the result of working hard and never giving up. My mother had five siblings who each managed to get into a good college and score a good job. From this experience, I can tell that my mother's family has taught her well. When I talk to her about my hardships and struggles in life, she passes on what she has learned from her parents, to work hard and not give up. When I hear those words, I know that she has given me a wise tip because without hard work and endurance, how could she or her five other siblings have even made it to college?

One day, I remember that I was having a conversation with my parents about what I should do when I'm older. I was really worried about money and stress. They told me that every job in the world has its own hardships. They informed me that working hard is the only way to be successful in life and that without it, there would be no hint or taste of success. They also told me that I should do I genuinely like. After thinking about it, I thought of becoming of a financial analyst. I knew this was the career for me because as I grew up, I was always interested in using money to my advantage. By the time I had a piggy bank, I was always saving and trying to spend it wisely because as I have learned from a young age, when money is spent, it's gone. I remember when I was young, I wanted to buy an expensive toy but instead, I got sidetracked and bought something else with the money I had. I felt remorseful afterwards because I knew that if I resisted to buying the inferior item, I would've had enough money to buy the other expensive toy that I really wanted. Through this experience, I learned that I had to focus on save my money more wisely to get what I really want. After this experience, I knew that I wanted a job to do with money.

UF is a good school for me because when I was researching it, I saw that it had a college specifically targeted at finance. It was called Hough Graduate School of Business. With that in mind, the school became my top choice because it has the major and career that I am interested in and I am willing to work hard to accomplish my goal to be a financial analyst.

thanks in advance! Also, if you guys have any comments or tips for me, that would be wonderful! Thanks!

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 24, 2009   #2
I'm glad you're dedicated to hard work and endurance, because you've got a lot of work to do before this essay will be useful to you. As it now stands, this essay is so bland and banal that it is unlikely to capture the attention of any admissions officer. Think about it: A middle class family who taught its children -- wonder of wonders! -- that success requires hard work. Could there possibly be anything less informative you could tell us about yourself or your family? You've got to come up with something about your background, life experiences, or identity that is not shared with every single other applicant. It could be anything! But it's got to be something. As it is right now, this essay could have been written by anybody.

Finally, do you imagine that the admissions officer needs you to supply the name of the university's business school? Is the name of the school the reason you think it's right for you? Unless your own name is "Hough," you're going to have to come up with something other than that to explain your interest in that particular program.

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