Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


My house is a farm (UF college admission essay)


Klaa5 1 / 1  
Oct 4, 2009   #1
I was wondering if it was possible for someone to review and help me fix anything wrong with my essay thanks :)

topic:
The personal essay can be a very important part of your application. What you provide helps
the university know you as an individual, independent of grades, test scores and other objective
data. We ask that you please submit one essay. Remember to stay within the 400-500 word maximum
length.(3885 characters)
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful
event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience
or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about
student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

essay:

My house is a farm. By definition, a farm is a plot of land devoted to the raising of animals, especially domestic livestock my case, however, is described differently. A one floor, three bedroom, two bathroom apartment is where I call home, where "spacious" is the last word that comes to mind. In this apartment lives six individuals, seven on the weekends. I live with my mother and her boyfriend, my 8 year old brother, my uncle, his daughter, and on the weekends his son. Life was not always like this. My uncle and his children have been put through a few speed bumps that, thankfully because of my mom, have given them a place to call home in my household. My mom has always been willing to help people in sticky situations. She has organized survival-kits for homeless citizens and taken care of my 2 year old cousin when no one else was able. I look up to my mother and admire her love to help.

For the past 12 years of my life it has been mostly her and I. Unfortunately, as a teenage mother, she was unable to live up to some of her aspirations but she learned to make the best of it. As I have grown, so has our relationship and some of the struggles to get by. We have never been the richest family and multiplying the individuals in our household has certainly put a damper on certain perks some are used to, and again we made the best of it. Through the stress and screaming children, my mother keeps her head up and the faith that everything will work out. Her strength has impacted me as a person. Watching her help out individuals in need certainly makes me want to be a better person. Volunteering with the children from my church and helping out with Red Cross activities shows how my mother has lived vicariously through me. The saying "Like mother, like daughter" never seemed so relevant.

A year ago, I would have never believed you if you told me life was to be like this. Though it has been a struggle I can see now that it was all for the best. My mother is sharing her house and her freedom in order to salvage another family from despair. I cannot even begin to stress how much this has impacted me to help others no matter the cost or the sacrifices. From what It is 7 o'clock , the time most families are quietly gathered around the dinner table. At my house, the sound of a two year old screaming echoes the hallways. To you this may sound dreadful, but to me this sounds like home.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Oct 4, 2009   #2
By definition, a farm is a plot of land devoted to the raising of animals, especially domestic livestock

Not true. Many farms grow fiber and vegetable crops only -- no "livestock."

Furthermore, the metaphor doesn't work anyway. Are you suggesting that your relatives are "livestock"?

Your last line is excellent. Consider using it as your introduction, replacing the atrocious "famr" metaphor.
OP Klaa5 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2009   #3
That is just the definition I got offline so don't take it too personally. What i was meaning by that was that my house is so hectic and full of an abundance of people living under one roof, like a barn in a farm.

Thank you very much! I am just worried that it is in someway off topic?


Home / Undergraduate / My house is a farm (UF college admission essay)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳