can you plea give your opinion of my essay and also correct my grammar?
prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Growing up in a lower-middle-class house in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru my dad concern was not to provide me with the best clothes or the best toys, but rather how to get enough money to support me and my education. He did not want me to follow his steps and drop my dreams of being professional just for no having the money to pay for a higher education. He tried the best he could to give the best education. I didn't understand back them why he was so obsess with my education, but now I do.
Eighteen years later I can tank my dad because I know my life is better from the one I had back in Peru. Although I am conscious this I can't help but compare my life from the one my American friends have. Every time I visit my friends and see the college diplomas of my friends' parents on the walls and how they share dinner with both of their parents, I feel irritated. I know that all of the diplomas of my friend's parents are evidence of their hard work, but for me, it is a reminder of all things I don't have and how different my life is from theirs. My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls instead they hold pictures of my grandparents, aunts, and cousins from Peru. I don't get to share dinner every night with both of my parents instead I seat at the table every night and eat alone. My dad cannot eat with me because he has to sleep to wake up at midnight for work. I don't live in the house alone, as my friend's family do. I have to live with other two people that rent the two rooms we don't occupy because my dad's salary is not enough to pay for rent and other expenses.
My dad doesn't have a full time job as most of my friends' parents. He has a part time job in UPS loading cars that distribute the packages. His clothes are always dirty and a little torn from having to carry packages every morning. I know how hard his work is, I hear him complaining from his back pain every midnight when he goes to go work, but I know there must be a reason that has motivated him to do this job for twelve years with the same will and determination he had the first day of his job.
Every time I come back from school, I see him, with his face visibly tired from work, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me just to ask me how my day was. He never says how tired he is, but he doesn't have to. I see how hard he tries to keep his eyes open to not fall sleep just to hear me. Knowing how much effort implies for him to sacrifice his few hour of sleep to spend time with me makes valuate more the time we spent together. He could be sleeping in his bed instead he chooses to spend that time with me. My dad might not have a college degree but his effort and believes that his daughter worth the sacrifice is certainly present in my every day.
I cannot find the précises words to describe what a great person my dad is and the great impact that he has in my life. I hope one day I could make worth all his sacrifice by walking across the stage of a university and finally receive my degree.
Indent paragraph Growing up in a lower-middle-class house, in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru, my [dad's concern was not to provide me with the best clothes or the best toys, but rather how to get enough money to support me and my education. He did not want me to follow in his footsteps and drop my dreams of becoming a professional just because we didn't have the money to pay for a higher education. He tried the best he could to give me the best education. I didn't understand back them why he was so obsessed with my education, but now I do.
Indent paragraph Eighteen years later , I can thank my dad because I know my life is better from the one I had back in Peru. Although I am aware of this I can't help but compare my life to the ones of my American friends have .I feel irritated every time I visit my friends ,and see the college diplomas of my friends' parents on the walls, and how they share dinner with both of their parents, I feel irritated . I know that all of the diplomas of my friends' parents are evidence of their hard work, but for me, it is a reminder of all the things I don't have and how different my life is from theirs. My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls, instead they hold pictures of my grandparents, aunts, and cousins from Peru. I don't get to share dinner every night with both of my parents, instead I eat alone at a table every night. My dad can't eat with me because he has to sleep in order to wake up at midnight for work. I don't live in my house alone, as my friends' family does. I have to live with two other people that rent the two rooms we don't occupy , because my dad's salary is not enough to pay for rent and other expenses.Unlike my friends' parents, my dad doesn't have a full time job. He has a part time job at UPS loading cars that distribute the packages. His clothes are always dirty and a little torn from having to carry the packages every morning. I know how hard his work is,because I hear him complain about his back pain every midnight when he goes to go work. but. I know there must be a reason that has motivated him to do this job for twelve years with the same will and determination that he has had since the first day of his job.
Indent paragraph Every time I come back from school, I see him, with his face visibly tired from work, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me ,just to ask me how my day was. He never says how tired he is, but he doesn't have to. I see how hard he tries to keep his eyes open to not fall sleep just to listen to me. Knowing how much effort it takes for him to sacrifice his few hours of sleep to spend time with me makes me value even more the time we spend together. He could be sleeping in his bed, instead he chooses to spend that time with me. My dad might not have a college degree but his effort and belief that his daughter is worth the sacrifice is certainly a present to me every day.
I cannot find the precise words to describe what a great person my dad is and the great impact that he has in my life. I hope one day I could make his sacrifice worth it by walking across the stage of a university and finally receiving my degree.
Those are all of the mistakes I could find, but I would have someone else read it. Also, I would had at least 3 more sentence to the end, because the paragraph is too short. Also, in the beginning you should put what type of professional.
