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HSF Academic Challenge- Science Fair Journey


Jan 20, 2014   #1
PLEASE PROOF READ AND EDIT. ANY SUGGESTION ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED! :)
Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced.
Explain how you overcame it.*

I wake up and glance at my phone's messages. "The materials are here!" I read. Without further impediments, I hastily dress, gather my favorite black pen and composition book, and sprint towards the outside.

Last year, my AP Biology teacher Dr. Leo introduced me and my classmates to Science Fair. Although Science Fair was a shadowy dim ocean to me, I could understand how this ocean could enable someone to explore and discover places that no other living organism had seen before. Fortuitously, I had an idea: to test the reaction of people's brain waves to different environments for I wanted to someday study the human brain. Ebullient and ecstatic, I was going to inform my idea to Dr. Leo, until I overheard three of my Biology classmates discussing their idea: a Simple Plane (SP), basically an airplane programmed to drive autonomously and be powered by solar energy. Comparing my idea to this, I was disillusioned about my unsophisticated objective. I didn't wanted to be disparaged by the complexity of my classmate's project, so I cowardly remained in silence, not even informing my teacher about my idea.

I regret that decision. Until the beginning of this year, I was certain that I had lost the only opportunity to release my creativity in science. Because I remained visiting Dr. Leo, however, I discovered that she was making Science Fair a requirement for her students since only three students out of thirty had chosen to do Science Fair the preceding year and encouraged me to do Science Fair too. With a second thought, I accepted her request. To my surprise, the three students that built SP would be competing again in the 2014 Regional Science Fair. Their new idea was to find new ways to combat cancer via DNA methylation. Again, I felt disparaged by their idea, but I wasn't going to give up. No, not this time.

Dazzled by the mysteries and wonders of nanotechnology for more than three years, I decided to research Silver nanoparticles, my target for Science Fair. After two months of intensive research and planning, I showed Dr. Leo my experiment proposal: how silver nanoparticles' anti-bacterial properties can destroy harmful bacteria in everyday places. However, after sending my proposal to the Science Fair director for authorization, my experiment was vetoed for bacteria were too dangerous to test in a classroom lab. I didn't know what to do; was it better to quit or to spend another month planning for a new experiment that could possibly not even work? A week later, while thinking about my decision, I found that the SP creators' project was denied too for it used possible cancer-causing chemicals. We were both in a dead end! When these three students told me they would not do science fair, I was left with no words. I had given up before, but I wasn't going to do that again. With more intense research, I learned about the conductivity of silver nanoparticles and their benefits. I wrote my new proposal: to test silver nanoparticles' conductivity in an ultra-thin foil powered by a Peltier Module. This, I found, could be the beginning of a new era of medical flexible electronics. My proposal was approved.

I get to school. It seems like a dead place when it's the weekend. Dr. Lee opens the school's door. As I enter the science lab room, I grab my PVP, Polyacrylic Acid, and hydroxyethyl cellulose, the materials I had been waiting for, and begin my experiment.

Jan 20, 2014   #2
Last year, my AP Biology teacher Dr. Leo introduced me and my classmates to Science Fair.

Last year, my AP Biology's teacher, Dr. Leo, introduced me and my classmates to Science Fair

I didn't wanted

wanted(adjective)
form ( subject + did + not + verb1)

So, it should be : i did find

In my view your essay is good but in the last paragraph is jumping idea. You should make it more coherence.


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