Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

'Humanitarian and Environmental clubs' - UC College Application Essay #2


jackiegirl33 2 / 7  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
This is a rough draft and is in need of major help! No matter how much I try to improve it, I can't seem to be able to. Please be brutal when editing my essay!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Volunteering has always been a part of my life. I grew up watching older kids host fundraisers and charity sales, wishing to be a part of it. Local news articles featured high school students making an impact, and doing incredible work. I longed for the day I entered high school, to make a contribution of my own.

Naive and giddy to join the Humanitarian and Environmental clubs, unrealistic ideas filled my head. I believed that about every week there would be a new project. In reality, it was hosting a blood donation event once a semester, and working on the school garden, with an occasional extra project. Discontent and unimpressed, I branched out and started volunteering at the local Share House and Hospital. For a time, I was satisfied; with my age I couldn't realistically do more.

Entering my junior year, I realized that this was my moment to make something happen. Researching for hours, and scouring the internet for ideas, it suddenly hit me. Key Club, an international volunteering organization that promotes student leadership, was in all the surrounding schools, but mine. With our limited clubs, it was the perfect addition. I began the journey to charter my school's Key Club.

It was a long process, filling out forms, and finding other students willing to put their effort into making this club a reality. I had to obtain school permission to charter the club, get in contact with the local district leaders, while finding another Key Club willing to sponsor us. Despite the school year ending and delaying the official start of the club, I had an equally enthusiastic advisor, sponsor, school permission, and student's quickly gaining interest, the club was progressing smoothly. It didn't sit idle during the summer; instead I set up volunteer projects that would last the school year, while allocating room for modifications. I implemented activities I've wanted to participate in, eco-conscious events, and projects set by the International Kiwanis Foundation.

This school year, my club has already donated 83 pints of blood to the Red Cross, spent hours volunteering for the Walk & Knock, hosted a school clean-up and assembled blankets for the homeless. It's done more than serve those in need; it's helped me grow as a person. No longer the shy school girl who could barely present before peers and who rarely spoke out loud; I've flourished into a confident, outspoken young lady. This club has enhanced my confidence, displays the leadership I'm capable of and my passion for volunteering. Even as I enter the medical field, I plan to continue volunteering through programs like "Doctors without Borders," employing my education to help those in need.

This club has demonstrated that it provides more than volunteering opportunities; it can help strengthen a student. With 50 members in its first year running, it's surpassed many expectations. I'm proud to say I founded and organized the club for two years, and that I had the courage to even try.
askelliott 4 / 8 1  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
just made a few comments.

Despite the school year ending which delayed the official start of the club, I had an equally enthusiastic advisor, sponsor, school permission, and student's quickly gaining interest, the club was progressing smoothly. This sentence needs to be reworded.

This club has enhanced my confidence, display(ing) the leadership I'm capable of and my passion for volunteering.

This club has demonstrated that it provides more than volunteering opportunities; it can help strengthen a student. With 50 members in its first year running, it (has) surpassed many expectations( i feel like you should specify who's expectations, but thats just me). I'm proud to say I founded and organized Key Club for two years, and that I had the courage to even try.
OP jackiegirl33 2 / 7  
Nov 28, 2012   #3
Thank you for the feedback!


Home / Undergraduate / 'Humanitarian and Environmental clubs' - UC College Application Essay #2